


Mo Chuisle Mo Chroí

by magos186



Category: Queer As Folk - Fandom
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Bashing, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-31
Updated: 2009-03-31
Packaged: 2018-04-25 00:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4939516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magos186/pseuds/magos186
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the verge of losing Justin, Brian decides to take him away. Can the two find their way back together while they're away from "helpful" suggestions from their family? Or will Justin disappear on him once they return...</p><p>Rated M for excessive cursing only. Only a couple brief mentions of Justin/Ethan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2 AU.  
> Mo Chuisle Mo Chroí is a Gaelic term of endearment meaning Pulse of my Heart. Pronounced mu khwish-la muh cree  
> Mámó is the Gaelic word for Grandma/Granny. It is pronounced Mah-moh.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own them. Closest I come is the dvd. They’re just fun to play with.
> 
> TIMELINE NOTICE: When Vance took over Ryder, Brian flew to Chicago to meet Brown to save his job. However once he got there, he realized his life would be easier if he opened up his own firm. So using Brown as his first account, Brian created Kinnetic. Basically, I stole Kinnetic from season 4 and moved it to season 2. Everything about the company (aside from what I mentioned) is still the same though, including Ted working for Brian. He never started the website.

 

Chapter 1:

Justin walked into the loft and found Brian on the phone speaking in a strange language. His back was turned, but Justin could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was upset. A few minutes later, he walked up the stairs to the bedroom and sat down heavily on the bed.

“What language was that?” The blond asked as he sat down on the other side.

“Gaelic.”

“I didn’t know people still used it.”

“Most people don’t,” Brian said tersely.

“So what’s wrong?”

“Look, I never talk about my childhood. Not with anyone. The only stuff Mikey and Deb know is what they figured out themselves. And I know they probably told you some stuff. But they don’t know everything. No one outside of my fucked up family knows this besides the Pennsylvania Council of Children Youth and Family Services. When I was nine, my worthless drunk of a father beat me so bad my left arm was broken in two places, my shoulder was dislocated, I had four broken ribs, a punctured lung and to top it all off I was in a coma for a week.”

“Holy shit,” Justin whispered, his face paler than normal, his eyes watery.

“PCYF found out and removed me from them. My grandmother took me in. She lives in Ireland though, so until I was 14, that’s where I lived.”

“What happened that you came back?”

“She got sick…was in the hospital for three months so I wound up back in the glorious Pitts. I met Mikey not long after though so between that and my two jobs I didn’t spend much time at the Kinney house. And every summer since, I go see Mámó for a month. This year was the first time I haven’t gone.”

“Because you spent almost every day this summer outside my hospital room.”

Brian’s head snapped up at that. “How the hell did you—”

“Do you honestly believe that I don’t know when you’re close to me? Why didn’t you ever come during the day?”

“You had the doctors and nurses and everyone else around you during the day and I—I didn’t want to see their faces full of pity and accusations. That’s why I avoided them as much as I could. And the thought of facing you? It freaked me out.”

“I never blamed you Brian. What happened wasn’t your fault. No one blamed you.”

“Your mother did.”

“I don’t care about my mother. You weren’t responsible. If you hadn’t been there, I would have died. You saved my life.”

“Now you’re disappearing from mine.”

“What are you—?”

“Don’t try to deny this Justin, okay? Michael already told me and even if he didn’t, I would have figured it out. You’ve been slipping away from me since the Vermont fiasco. And I know that was my fault for not explaining about my job and I know I’ve been busy lately with Kinnetic, but ever since Vermont you’ve been slipping away and the further you get, the less you can read me. You used to be onto me.”

“Brian—”

“Justin, this is gonna be really hard for me to say so please just wait until I’m done. Mámó told me I need to say this to you so here goes,” he said as he looked down at the floor. Taking a deep breath, he began, “That night…I was terrified that I’d lose you. I sat in the hospital for three whole days just waiting to find out if you were even gonna live. But you came back to me. You always came back to me—until now. And I know that it’s because you’re not hearing what you want or getting all this romantic shit from me. I also know you’re hearing a bunch of shit from the “family” about how I don’t do boyfriends and I’m incapable of love and I…I don’t want you to listen to them because you know me. The real me and you love me anyway, shortcomings and flaws and all.

“I know you want me to tell you how I feel, but the truth is I’m not sure I know what real love is. I mean, I know how I feel about Deb and Vic and Mikey and Gus, but you’re different. What I feel for you—I’ve never felt it before and it—it scares me okay? I do know that I like going to sleep with you every night and waking up with you next to me. I know that sex is always better with you than with anyone else. I know that I like coming home to you, seeing your shit all over the place…and I miss you when you’re not here. Justin, I care about you—a lot. If all that is love then I guess I do love you and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Can I speak now?” Justin asked quietly. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded. “Thank you for saying all this. I know how hard it is for you. But now, I think I understand everything. I do love you Brian. I have from the moment I saw you. However, there are some things I need to explain too. I’ve broken just about all of the rules we established. I feel horrible about that, even worse actually because you haven’t. It’s just after what happened…I kinda feel like I’m worthless. I mean you still go out and fuck guys hotter than me and I feel like I’m not good enough for you anymore. I’m not good enough to be an artist because I have to use a computer. I’m not even good enough to work at the diner because every time my hand spasms I drop or spill something. So when someone came along who found me attractive, said all the shit I felt I needed to hear, I betrayed you—and myself. I know he doesn’t mean it. He just wants a trophy boyfriend. Someone beautiful and quiet and obedient, who’ll stroke his ego. Still, it was nice to hear and experience the romantic stuff. Besides, this is what everyone wants anyway.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh please. Michael’s been trying to get rid of me since the night we met. He keeps telling me I’m never gonna be enough for you. He says you’ll never change and tells me I’m just the trick who won’t leave. He says I’m only here because you feel guilty and that I should just disappear. Fuck, even the family bet on how long we’d make it.”

“Let me make something clear,” Brian said, anger seeping into his voice. “All of that is complete and utter bullshit. Sure, after we fucked, you kept coming back, but I never thought of you as a trick—not even that first night. The truth about why you’re here is because your mom asked me to take you in. She couldn’t help you with the anger and the nightmares and the panic attacks. She told me that I was the one you trusted—the one who could help you. So that’s why she let you move in after she told me to stay away.”

“So it wasn’t because you were guilty. It was because you were _obligated_?” Justin asked angrily.

“It was because someone I care about was in pain and if I could fix that, I was going to. I kind of don’t hate taking care of you.”

“Shit. I’m sorry. We’re a pair of fucked up idiots aren’t we?”

“Yeah, I guess. The fucking family isn’t making this any easier.”

“No, they aren’t. So what are we going to do?”

“Leave town?”

“Yeah right,” Justin scoffed.

“I mean it. That phone call I had earlier? At the end I was talking to Mámó, but before that I was talking to my cousin Tommy. He said Mámó’s been really depressed lately and he thinks it’s because I haven’t been to see her. He thinks she misses me.”

“So you should go see her.”

“I’m going to. I still have a few details to work out, but I’ll be able to leave in a few days. I’m gonna stay there for a month. And I want you to come.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I am. I know you just finished your finals and you have a little over a month before the spring semester starts. It will do us good to get the hell away from everyone here. You’ll miss Christmas but—”

“It’s okay. You’re right. We do need to get away, but what about Kinnetic?”

“All the new ads have gone out already. Ad agencies usually operate a skeleton crew during this time anyway. If there’s anything that needs to be done, Cynthia knows how to reach me. She’s the only one with my emergency cell number. When I go, I usually turn off my regular phone and ignore my email. I leave the emergency cell on so if there is one, one that she believes is, not one Mikey believes, then she can contact me. Also, if something comes up at work, she can get a hold of me immediately.”

“How long have you been planning this?”

“Just long enough to find out that Liberty Air has a new plane for European and Asian flights they want to test out. It’s supposed to be more comfortable for all passengers, not just first class. They wanted me to go on one of the test flights with their execs. so I can get a feel for what I’ll be advertising when they release it in the summer. They said they’ll drop us in Ireland.”

“Wow. You really have thought this through.”

“Planning this is not the issue. Dealing with Mikey and Deb is.”

“This is gonna suck big time.”

“I know. Just do me a favor and don’t tell anyone where we’re going. None of them know about Mámó. Every year I just disappear for the month. Like I said, Cynthia’s the only one who knows how to reach me. So tell your mom if anything happens to call Kinnetic. Otherwise, no phones, no Liberty Avenue, just peace and quiet for four whole weeks.” 

“That sounds amazing. I’m gonna call my mom and tell her. Thank you Brian.” Justin gently kissed his man before rushing off to find his cell, his sunshine smile lighting up the loft.

“Please let this work,” Brian whispered as he watched his boy.


	2. Chapter 2

“What the fuck do you mean you’re missing Christmas?” Debbie screeched so loud the entire diner became silent.

“Deb—” Justin started, as he pulled the woman into the back room of the diner.

“Don’t you _Deb_ me young man! This is our first real Christmas together as a family. We just got you back Sunshine.”

“I know Debbie. And I really am sorry that I’m gonna miss it, but Brian asked me to go away with him. He really seems to want to try and work things out and as much as I love you guys, we just can’t do that here. Especially not the way everyone goes in and out of the loft like it’s an office not our home. We really need this.”

“You do still love him, don’t you?” she asked quietly.

“More than anything. Nothing’s changed that. I don’t think anything ever will. I just need to know he feels the same.”

“Honey, he only needs some time. The way he grew up…he doesn’t know how to tell you he loves you because he’s scared. The only people he ever fully gave his heart to treated him like shit. They told him he was never wanted, that he shouldn’t have been born. He buried his heart deep. He’s afraid to tell you he loves you because he doesn’t want to give you the power to break his heart. But you know he loves you. His actions prove that.”

“I know it’s just…I don’t want to hurt him. I just want him to stop pushing me away. …So do you understand about Christmas?”

“I do honey. I hope you boys can work everything out. I love you both.”

“We love you too Debbie,” Justin said as he wrapped his arms around the woman.

“Just make sure you call on the 25th, understand?”

“I promise.”

“Good. Well I’m sure you’ve got packing or something to do so get out of here. Your job will be waiting for you when you get back, as will your presents. We can have a post Christmas Christmas when you get back.”

“Thanks Debbie.”

“I hope this works Sunshine.”

~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, on the other side of town:

“What the fuck do you mean you’re missing Christmas?” Michael screeched.

 _God he really is_ _Debbie_ _’s son_ Brian thought to himself. “I told you Mikey, I need to get out of town for a while.”

“It’s because of that little shit isn’t it? I knew it! I knew he was gonna run off on you. And after everything you did for him, the ungrateful little bastard.”

“Michael! Shut the hell up! You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course I do! You took him in, you paid for his tuition for Christ’s sakes and how does he repay you? By running off with some sleazy musician. At least you can get back to being you again now that you don’t have to worry about some twink following you around everywhere.”

“Get back to being me? And who exactly is that?”

“You’re Brian Kinney, the stud of Liberty Avenue. You don’t do boyfriends and now you don’t have to play house with that prick anymore you can get back to your life of clubbing, drinking, and fucking.” 

_What the fuck?_ Brian thought to himself. _Why is it he can settle down but he refuses to see who I really am? He’ll never let me grow up will he?_ “That’s not the point Michael. The point is I’m going out of town for a while and I just wanted to let you know.”

“But you just opened your own business.”

“And I can come and go as I please, just like you.”

“But what about Christmas dinner? You know Ma’s gonna expect you to be there. Hell, we all are.”

“Well you’ll all be sorely disappointed.”

“So you’re really just gonna abandon your family and fuck yourself through the holidays?”

“That does sound like an excellent plan.”

“When will you be back?”

“In a few weeks.”

“A few _weeks_? Why do you need to be gone that long? You never go away for more than a few days unless it’s business.”

“This is business. _Personal_ business. Now, I just came here to tell you I was leaving, so if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some packing to do.”

With that, Brian turned around and walked out of the store. Once he was far enough away, he slumped against a wall and pulled out a cigarette. _God, I hate his whining. He keeps insulting_ _Justin_ _and I’m not gonna be able to stop myself from retaliating,_ Brian thought. _I know he’s my oldest friend, but I really don’t want him to make me choose. He won’t like the outcome._ As that thought floated around his mind, he stubbed out the cigarette and began walking again. _I wonder how_ _Debbie_ _took the news._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mámó is not in this chapter, but she will be making her grand entrance in chapter 4, which I will get up as soon as I finish it.  
>  A/N 2: I suppose this is a bit anti-ethanish.  
>  A/N 3: Thanks to the Amazing Blazon Paradox who was kind enough to beta this chapter for me. You're awesome doll!

  


“Hi, mom,” Justin said as he entered his mother’s condo.

“Hi, honey,” Jennifer replied, her voice tinted with disappointment. “I just got a call from Debbie. She said you’re going out of town. Justin, how could you? It’s Christmas."

 _Damn it,_ Justin thought. “Did you check your messages from earlier? I left one saying I needed to talk to you about Christmas.”

She threw her hands up, “I figured it was about going to Debbie’s.”

“I was going to tell you that Brian and I are going away for a while.”

“Why can’t you wait until _after_ the holidays? I just can’t believe you’d abandon your family.”

“It’s not like I’m moving to China. I’ll be back in a month. As for waiting, we can’t. Brian has—something to take care of immediately and I’m going with him.”

“And what am I supposed to tell your sister when you don’t show up? This will be the first major holiday you’ve spent apart.”

“Tell her the truth—that Brian and I needed to go away for a while. Deb’s already planning to have a second Christmas when we get back. And stop trying to guilt me into staying. It won’t work.”

She took in his crossed arms and defiant stance. “Fine, but I still don’t like this.”

“You don’t have to like it, just accept it.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Sometime in the next few days. I’ll let you know when.”

“Is there anything else?” Her face was blank, but her tone frustrated.

“Yes. We won’t have our cells so if you need me you’ll have to call Cynthia at Kinnetic. Now, I have some stuff to do before I leave so I’m going to go. I love you mom,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I love you too honey.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“At least tell me where you’re going,” Jen shouted after her son, but just like every time she asked him that the year before, she got no answer.

~~~~~~~~~

Brian stood outside the front door trying to convince himself to ring the bell. He already had a headache from dealing with his “best friend;” he wasn’t sure he wanted to see anyone else. So like every other time he couldn’t decide, he began to mentally list the pros and cons of going in.

_Pro: I get to see my son._

_Con:_ _Lindsay_ _’s gonna be pissed._

_Pro: It’s not_ _Gus_ _’s first Christmas so she can’t pull that card._

_Con: My headache will get worse._

“Oh, fuck it,” he whispered and pressed the bell. “I’ll just buy her something pretty.”

When the door opened, he knew he made the right choice. Gus came barreling down the hall smiling and shouting “Dada! Dada!”

“Hey, Sonny boy,” Brian said as he scooped his son into his arms. He was so wrapped up in the love and warmth of his son that he didn’t even notice the woman standing next to him until she cleared her throat.“Hey Linds.”

“Brian. This is a surprise. What brings you by?”

“I can’t just come by without a reason?”

“You always have a reason for doing things. Why don’t you put Gus in the playpen and we can talk in the kitchen. Can I get you anything?”

 _Ever the WASP_ , Brian thought as he put his son down. “I’m fine, thanks.”

“So, what is it?” She asked as she sat at the kitchen table.

“I’m leaving town for a while.”

“What?” She asked in that raised, but not quite yelling voice.

“I’m going out of town for a few weeks.”

“But it’s Christmas!”

“I am well aware.”

“But Gus—”

“Is only one,” he interrupted. “He doesn’t know what Christmas is and he will be far more interested in the tree lights and wrapping paper than anything else.”

“Why are you going away now? You’ve never missed a holiday at Deb’s as long as I’ve known you.”

“Since you pointed that out, as long as you’ve known me, what do I do every summer?”

Lindsay paused for a few minutes then said, “You mean when you disappear for a month?”

“Yeah. I didn’t do that yet this year so I need to and this is the best time for me to go. Business will be slow at Kinnetic for a while and Cynthia and Ted are capable of handling everything while I’m gone.”

“What about Justin?”

“What _about_ Justin?”

“Brian Kinney don’t you _dare_ tell me that you’re going to go off and spend the next few weeks fucking and leave him behind!”

“I’m going to go off and spend the next few weeks fucking his behind,” Brian replied with his infamous smirk.

“You blind, stupid, selfish—wait. What?”

“Justin’s coming with me.”

One minute Lindsay was in her chair on the other side of the table and the next minute Brian had his lap full of happy blond lesbian. Fortunately, Gus started crying moments later. “I’ll get him,” he volunteered as he shot up out of the chair, nearly knocking Lindsay on her ass.“You have excellent timing,” he whispered to the boy as he picked him up. “Are you lonely in here all by yourself Sonny boy?”Gus didn’t make a sound, just wrapped his arms tight around his daddy’s neck.

“He’s going to miss you,” Lindsay said as she came into the room.“I am so proud of you, Brian. You’re finally doing something right.”

Brian kissed his son’s head, and then passed him over to Lindsay. “I need to get going. If there’s an emergency while I’m gone, call Cynthia and she’ll get in touch with me.” With that, he made a hasty retreat from the house. He never did know what to do when he received praise from the family. Although, it’s not like it happened often enough that he _would_ know what to do with it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian entered the loft and found Justin sitting on the couch, mindlessly flipping channels on the TV, beer in hand. The older man walked up to his blond and wrapped his arms around him from behind.

“Hey,” Justin whispered. “How’d it go?”

“Mikey whined as expected. Linds was pissed but forgave me when I told her you were coming,” Brian laid his head on Justin’s shoulder, “How’d Deb take it?”

“A combination of Michael and Lindsay. My mom tried to get me to stay. She pulled out her disappointed WASP voice and everything.”

“What’d you do?”

“Told her I was going anyway.” He tilted his head a little, “I ordered Chinese. It should be here soon.”

“Good. I’m going to go change.”

Justin didn’t move a muscle when Brian let go of him. The older man thought it was a bit strange, but dismissed it as the blond just being tired. However when he returned, dressed in jeans and a black wife beater, and made to sit next to his boy, the blond lowered his head, hair obscuring his face.

“Justin?”

“I have to tell you something, but you’re going to be mad.”

“What happened?”

“I—I went to see _him_ —to tell _him_ it was over. We got into a fight and he—”

“He _what_?” Brian demanded. The blond remained silent. “Justin, look at me. What. Did. He. Do?”

Justin still refused to answer but he slowly raised his head. His left cheek was a purplish blue. “It’s not as bad as it looks,” he said quickly.

“Are you alright?” The older man asked as he gently caressed his boy’s face.

“It’s just sore. He only got me once cause he caught me off guard. I picked up the thing closest to me and hit him over the head with it.” Justin shrugged, tearing his eyes away from Brian’s heated stare. “He was knocked out, so I ran back here.” Suddenly, a small smile crept across Justin’s face.

“What the fuck are you smiling for?”

“I hit him with his violin. It was completely destroyed.”

 

  
TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: this chapter has just a touch of anti-Michael, Lindsay, and Deb. And by just a touch, I mean only a couple bad qualities listed. More harsh on Michael though. Really never liked him much.
> 
> A muirnin, pronounced a moor-neen, is Gaelic for beloved.  
> 

 

Early the next morning:

Brian walked into his office, his shoulders tense. He’d had one hell of a night. Justin had to deal with enough anger the day before so that night, Brian tried to be as kind as possible. They ate takeout sitting on the futon cushions surrounding the coffee table and afterwards, cuddled (yes alright, the Great Brian Kinney deigned to cuddle with his partner) on the couch to watch a movie. Of course, he couldn’t tell you one thing about the movie. He was too busy scheming. He wanted nothing more than to smash that fucking fiddler’s face in. _How the hell could anyone hurt_ _Justin_ _? He’s so sweet and trusting and just—fucking amazing. He doesn’t deserve all the shit he’s had to deal with.I’m just glad I could convince him to stay before he left me for that bastard._

The knock on his door pulled Brian from his thoughts. “Boss, Liberty wants to know if you can leave today and I have the—God you look pissed,” Cynthia said as she looked up at him. “What happened?”

“Cynthia,” he said calmly, pure evil oozing from his voice. “I need you to do something for me…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man and woman were just about to sit down to dinner when their doorbell rang. “Are you expecting anyone?” They asked at the same time. Both shook their head no, before the man stood. “I’ll go see who it is.”He walked from the kitchen through the den and into the foyer. When he opened the door, his face lit up and he pulled the man on the other side into a bear hug. After a full minute of the two squeezing the life out of each other, they finally separated.

“You look good Tommy.”

“Brian Aidan, I have never been so happy to see you. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming today?” Tommy asked, a brogue coloring his voice.

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“She’ll be over the moon to see you. And who is this with you? He wouldn’t be the infamous Justin now would he?”

“Yes, he is. Tommy, this is Justin Taylor. Justin, this is my cousin Tommy.”

The two men said nothing as they each took in the other. Brian’s cousin was a few inches taller than Brian. He had short, reddish brown hair, hazel eyes, and a smattering of freckles splashed across his pale cheeks and nose. He was dressed simply in sneakers, dark blue jeans, with a black, cable-knit sweater covering his broad shoulders and chest. While Justin was observing all this, Tommy was simultaneously observing the young artist, immediately noting the large, dull purple bruise on his left cheek.

“It’s nice to meet you,” the blond said as he extended his hand.

“You too,” the Irishman said tersely, his eyes harsh. He knew everything the young man had been putting his cousin through and did not like him one bit.

_He hates me,_ Justin thought to himself when his hand was released. _I’ll have to make sure I’m never alone in a room with him._

“Well come on in. We were just about to have dinner. There’s plenty of food.”

“Thomas O’Ryan Dunn, what is taking you so long?” The woman called from the kitchen just as Brian and Justin stepped into the foyer. “Mámó,” Brian whispered his face lighting up with more happiness than Justin had ever seen, as he locked eyes with the woman. With a swiftness belying her age, she ran to Brian and jumped into his arms. “Oh my Mickey! I’ve missed you so much a muirnin (moor-neen).”

“I’ve missed you too Mámó.”

The two held onto each other for dear life, both overjoyed to be in the arms of one they loved so much. When they finally separated a good five minutes later, they held fast to each other’s hands, both with tears glistening in their eyes. “I can’t believe you’re really here,” she said, her brogue much thicker than Tommy’s.

“A little birdie told me how sad you’ve been and I figured that I would be that extra special Christmas present that’ll make you feel better.”

“A little birdie eh?” She asked, glancing at her other grandson, who said, “I’ll just go add two more settings to the table,” as he quickly exited the room. After a few moments, the word two registered in her brain. It was then that she noticed the other person standing there. “This handsome young man must be Justin. I’m Brianna Dunn, but as long as you’re with my Mickey you may call me Mámó.  


  
“It’s an honor to meet you,” Justin said as he shook hands with the woman. Her eyes were the same shade as Brian’s, yet they were so different. Her eyes were kind and soft, with just a hint of warning. Her face was gentle, laugh lines creasing the slightly tan, freckled skin. Her fading red hair, infused with streaks of gray, was pulled back into a messy bun. Justin also noted they were the same height as she pulled him into a quick hug. “We’ll talk later,” she whispered in his ear before releasing him.

“Come now, dinner will be getting cold.” Brianna grabbed hold of her grandson once more and led them to the kitchen.While they ate, they shared pleasant conversation about the holidays, how long the visit would be, how their flight was, etc.

After dinner, Brianna took Brian up to his room. Tommy went with them to help with the luggage. Justin stayed behind to give the family some time alone. Half an hour later when Tommy returned to the kitchen, he found the blond standing over the sink doing dishes. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t mind. I had to do something to occupy my mind, otherwise I would have run for friendlier grounds,” Justin explained as he dried his hands on a towel and turned around.

“Afraid of little old me are ya?”

“You aren’t little. Plus, I get the distinct impression that you’re gonna threaten me. Something along the lines of ‘break his heart, I’ll break your face’?”

“I was thinking more your hands. That’d be worse for you since you’re an artist. I won’t let you hurt him anymore,” Tommy said sternly, his face determined.

“You know, don’t you?”

“That you’ve been having an affair? Yes, I do. Brian Aidan and I have no secrets. He tells me everything, including the fact that you’ve been breaking his heart.”

“He talks to you about his _feelings?_ ”

“Of course he does. He’s like my little brother. And unlike everyone in Pittsburgh, he knows it’s safe to open up to me. I don’t judge or ridicule or criticize him. I don’t force my expectations on him. I don’t use him like everyone else in that damned town. Lindsay, for example, merely used him for his sperm. Although if you ask me, she only wanted his child because she knew that he’d give her however much money she asked for as long as it was ‘for the baby.’ Deb uses him as a scapegoat. Whenever her son does anything wrong, it’s always Brian Aidan’s fault. Heaven forbid she blames her precious boy for any of his own mistakes. That boy…hah! He claims to be my cousin’s best friend, but that despicable bastard wouldn’t know what true friendship was if it smacked him in his face! I’m convinced the only reason he still hangs around my cousin is so that he can look better by comparison. He’s got a boyfriend, he’s in a ‘normal relationship,’ and as long as Brian Aidan’s still clubbing and having anonymous sex, Michael can prance around, parading his boyfriend in front of my cousin, acting all superior because he’s the mature one now. We both know he’s nothing more than a pretentious lout and Brian Aidan’s been more mature than that weasel since he was ten years old!

“As for his ‘real’ family, his good for nothing sister only wants his money and uses him to do the things she doesn’t want to, like take care of their mother. And good heavens don’t even get me started on that vile woman.”

“I met her briefly. The temperature seemed to go down when she was there.”

“She is frigid. If it wasn’t for me and Mámó, I don’t think my cousin would have survived that house. He barely survived his childhood.”Tommy’s eyes wandered past Justin’s shoulder as the memories of the events nearly two decades before played in his mind.

_Thomas_ _O’Ryan_ _Dunn_ _was fourteen years old when the accident happened. School had just ended for the summer and he and his parents were on their way to the mall to shop for their upcoming vacation. They were on the highway, halfway there, when the driver of the bus in the lane next to them lost control. The bus swerved into their lane, hitting the front of their car, which spun and crashed head first into the concrete divider. Tommy’s father, Patrick O’Ryan, who’d taken his seatbelt off to reach for something under his seat, flew through the windshield. His mother,_ _Mary_ _Dunn_ _, who’d been driving, split her head on the steering wheel when the airbag failed to deploy. They both died before the ambulances even arrived._

__

_Tommy survived with minor wounds, as the back of the car had received little damage. His injuries consisted of several fractured ribs, a fractured collarbone, from the seatbelt, and whiplash. When he woke in the hospital, a collar on his neck and a sling on his arm,_ _Brianna_ _was there. She said, “I may be Catholic, but I have not forgotten my heritage. The spirits told me to come.”_

__

_After the funeral, the will was read, giving_ _Brianna_ _guardianship of her grandson. The next day, she sued the car company for wrongful death due to the airbag failure. One month later, the company settled out of court for ten million dollars. Once everything was taken care of,_ _Brianna_ _and her new charge returned to_ _Ireland_ _._

__

_Nearly 3 months had passed since the death of his parents and yet in all that time,_ _Tommy_ _never spoke. He would shake his head yes or no, but no sound passed his lips. At least, not until that fateful day near the end of August when he met his cousin._

__

_His Mámó had gotten a phone call from someone in_ _Pittsburgh_ _and so she had to fly to the States. She had a friend stay with her grandson while she was gone. Four days passed before she returned and when she did there was a boy with her. He seemed to be tall for his age and skinny too. His face was ashy and pale, his brown hair messy. His lower left arm was encased in a thick white cast, which rested inside a black sling. His eyes were distant—haunted._ _Brianna_ _and the boy slowly walked over to him. “Brian,” she said softly, “this is your cousin_ _Thomas_ _O’Ryan_ _Dunn_ _._ _Tommy_ _, this is—”_

__

_“Brian Aidan Kinney,” the boy said, his voice shaky._

__

_“Nice to meet you_ _Brian_ _Aidan_ _.”_

  


TBC  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: é ghrá means love him.

As soon as Tommy left the room, Brian’s shoulders slumped and he sat down heavily on the bed. “Why so sad my Mickey?” Brianna asked gently.

“Mámó, is there something wrong with me?” Brian asked in a little boy voice. “Am I cursed?”

“Of course you’re not cursed! How could you think such a thing?”

“It’s just—every time I find happiness, it gets taken away. I was happy here with you, but then you got sick and I had to go back to Pittsburgh. Then with Justin—after my failed scarfing attempt I realized that I did—ya know—”

“Love him?” Brianna supplied.

“Yeah… So I went to his prom. Mámó, we were so fucking happy. It was the best night of both our lives. He walked me down to my car and was gonna meet me at the loft after he took his friend home. I was gonna tell him how I felt. But then—” Brian’s eyes misted over as he curled in on himself in an attempt to protect himself from the memories.

“Shh,” Brianna whispered as she sat down next to him, wrapping her arms tight around her grandson. “It’s alright mo ghrá (my love). You don’t have to say it. I know.”

“I just don’t understand,” he said, his voice tired and defeated. “How can he think that I don’t—just because I can’t say the words? If I didn’t é ghrá, would I have stayed outside his hospital room every night to make sure he was okay? Would I have been so patient with him when he couldn’t be touched? Would I have held his hand when he was out in public because he was afraid of the crowds? Would I have helped him get over that fear, and the fear of people, of touching? If I didn’t love him, would I hold him, comfort him, let him cry on my shoulder every time he has a panic attack or wakes up from a nightmare? I just—I wish he could see me again. Ever since he got hurt, he hasn’t been able to read me like he used to. He hasn’t been able to see through all my bullshit and posturing. He can’t see me anymore Mámó and it scares me. I almost lost him…twice. I can’t take it if I lose him for good.”

“But you haven’t lost him yet. The fact that he came here with you shows me that he wants to try to fix what’s wrong between you. I’m promise I’m going to help you both. I will do everything I can to make this better for you Mickey,” she vowed as she pulled her grandson down to lie on the bed. She held him tight in her arms, gently singing Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral as her fingers stroked through his hair. In no time, Brian was sleeping more deeply than he had in months, secure with the knowledge that he was loved and safe and that his Mámó would once again make everything better.

~~~~~~~~~~~

After Tommy finished with Justin, the blond wandered around the house a bit before he found his way to the porch outside where he sat on the bench swing. He had a lot to think about. He knew Tommy was right, about a lot of things. He also knew the Irishman had every right to defend his cousin. He was like Brian’s big brother. Being a big brother himself, Justin knew he’d probably react the same way if his little sister was ever in a similar situation. He was mature enough to admit, if only to himself, that he’d handled things horribly these past few months. He had known all along who Brian was…even confessed that he didn’t expect Brian to change. So why was he wanting the opposite of what he said?

“Justin?” A voice called, breaking him from his thoughts. The blond turned his head to see Brianna standing in the doorway. “What are you doing out here?”

“Would you believe me if I said hiding?”

“From who? Tommy?”

“Actually he already talked to me.”

“You’re not hiding from me are ya? I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“I know…I guess…I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking about everything—like what Tommy said—what Brian said.”

“What Brian said? You didn’t—”

“I overhead you talking. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I was just wandering around the house and I stopped when I heard his voice. He was right about everything. Ever since I got out of the hospital—I haven’t been able to read him like I used to. If I could, I would have seen that everything he did showed me how much he loved me. All those things he told you—if he didn’t love me, he never would have done them.”

“I’m glad you heard us. Now I won’t have to repeat everything he said,” Brianna replied with a small smile. “Justin, you are a very special boy. My Mickey…my Mickey has had a very hard life. His parents…well I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but his father was a poor excuse for a human being. And his mother…I honestly don’t know how something so spiteful ever came from my womb. She was such a good, loving child, but what she’s done to her son…I don’t know how on earth you can look your own child in the eyes and tell him that he’s going to burn in hell. If he was a murderer, maybe then I could understand, but to say that to him just because he’s in love with a man…I may be a Catholic, but I don’t care what the bible says. I believe in soul mates. I believe that every person has someone out there they are meant to be with. And when you find that person, regardless of age or race or gender, you know in an instant that that’s the person you’re meant to be with. Mickey’s told me how you two met. He told me that when he saw you standing there, he was drawn to you for some reason he couldn’t explain. His soul was being drawn to its mate. And when you got hurt…my boy was so broken. You were hurt so bad and he didn’t know how to help you. He couldn’t help you. He just had to wait and have faith. And we both know how much faith he has.”

“He never…all that time I was in the hospital and I didn’t see him, I thought it was because he didn’t want me anymore. I wasn’t perfect anymore. He could have gone out and found another young, blond twink to take my place. He could have had his pick of anyone. Hell he does have his pick of anyone. And all this time he’s been sleeping with guys who are hot, built…guys who are perfect; not guys with brain damage and a bad hand.”

“But every night he comes home to a guy with brain damage and a bad hand. Justin, I know that Brian’s tricking bothers you, but you know it means nothing to him. With you, the sex always means something. When he tricks, it’s not because he doesn’t want you. It’s because he needs a break from those emotions. With the other men, he doesn’t have to feel anything. He doesn’t have to think. He’s never dealt well with emotions, courtesy of his upbringing. Mickey wants to be faithful. He’s tired of all the other men. Of having to have his walls up all the time. He just doesn’t know how to stop. And his so called friends certainly aren’t helping him.

“Justin, you are the first person who has seen the real Brian Kinney. You see the face he presents to the world, and yet somehow you’ve always been able to see the real him underneath all that. All those times he tried to turn you away and yet you continued to go after him. You didn’t see a cold, hardened man. You saw someone worth loving; someone who is caring and generous—someone who takes care of those around him, regardless of what they think of him. No one, aside from Tommy and me has ever seen that side of him. No one else has been able to see that side of him. Everyone sees what they want to. Michael sees a superhero. Lindsay sees her prince charming. But you—you see the real Brian. You don’t thrust your expectations upon him.”

“Yes I do,” Justin argued.

“No child, you don’t. You tell him what you want from him. You tell him you want commitment, monogamy, but you don’t force those upon him. You don’t force him to do things he does not wish to do. He is trying though. He wants a real relationship with you. He wants you with him always. He just doesn’t know how to keep you, especially now that you can’t read him anymore. But I promise that I will help you both. You came here, which shows me you don’t want to lose my boy and I know he doesn’t want to lose you. While my Mickey is here, all his walls will be down. He has never needed them here and he never will. You will come to see the real Brian again. I will help you two find your way.”

“I don’t want to lose him. I love him so much,” Justin confessed. “I just…ever since the bashing we’ve both been so broken…not physically, well I’m broken physically, but just…we don’t talk about it. No one wants to talk about it. I mean they see me doing the things I used to and it’s like they think I’m completely healed. Brian knows that’s not true. He’s the one who deals with me when my anger flares, when I have a panic attack, when I have a nightmare. I’m the one who deals with his nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night to find him with his head on my chest just listening to my heartbeat. We need help…we’re both just too stubborn to do anything about it.”

“Well that’s where you’re both very lucky. I didn’t fully introduce myself earlier. I’m Dr. Brianna Dunn, practicing psychologist. And the fact that you just admitted you both need help is definitely the first step. I will do everything in my power to help you both.”

“I thought it was unethical to treat your family.”

“Do you think I care about ethics? My Mickey is hurting and so is his partner and if I can help then you can bet I’m going to do something about it. I’m not going to sit on the sidelines and watch you both fall apart. Brian brought you here for a reason.

“Now,” Brianna said as she slapped her leg. “I think it’s time for bed. It’s been a long day and it’s getting quite late.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Of course I’m right,” she said with a wink and a smile. “Do you remember the way back to your room or do you need me to show you?”

“I remember. Goodnight Brianna. Thank you for listening.”

“Goodnight Justin. Get some sleep lad. Things will look better in the morning.”

The old woman sat there, watching as the blond walked back into the house. _Things will be much better in the morning,_ she thought. _My_ _Mickey_ _loves you so much_ _Justin_ _. You just don’t know it yet._

 


	6. Chapter 6

Brian woke to the feeling of fingers ghosting over his chest drawing invisible symbols. For a minute he was confused. It had been months since Justin was content to simply lie in bed with him like this. Then he remembered that they were in Ireland, at his Mámó’s house, and Justin had come with him in hopes of fixing their relationship. Yes, he said relationship. It’s not like he couldn’t say the word. It was much like telling his blond how much he loved him. He knew the words; he just didn’t know how to express them. But more than that, he was afraid. When the two people who are supposed to love you unconditionally tell you that you’re worthless, that you’re not significant enough to love…at some point you start to believe it’s true. Besides, aside from his grandmother and cousin, he had no one telling him otherwise. Sure, the gang in Pittsburgh calls him family, but the truth is, aside from Ted and Emmett, their not. He does refer to Debbie as maw, because in many ways she took better care of him than his own mother, but she belittles him just as much. They all think he doesn’t listen to them. Justin thinks he doesn’t listen, but he hears everything and it hurts him more deeply than they will ever know. Every time they call him an asshole, or put him down in some other way, like suggesting he’s not good enough to be Gus’ father, or he doesn’t deserve to be with someone…they all think he’s this uncaring, unlovable piece of shit and most of the time, that’s how he feels.

Meeting Justin was the best thing that ever happened to him. The blond made him feel like maybe he wasn’t as worthless as everyone else believed. Brian was content—happy in their life together. He enjoyed Justin’s company, more than just for the sex. He loved going to sleep and waking up with the blond in his arms. He had never slept with anyone else at night, aside from the occasional night with Mikey. He preferred sleeping alone to having someone else hogging his space. But Justin was different. The way Justin held onto him at night, draped himself over him, made him feel as if he was the luckiest man in the world. There was something he wished to be different though. He wished with all his heart that he could go back in time and have his Mámó find him sooner. By the time she got to him, he was already too jaded…too broken.

 

_Brian woke up in a strange room, his body stiff and aching. He looked around, quickly realizing he was in the hospital. ‘It must have been bad this time’ he thought to himself. ‘Wonder how long it will be before he does it again. Wonder what excuse dear old mom came up with to tell the doctors.’_

_“_ _Brian_ _?” a soft, feminine voice called gently. He immediately knew it wasn’t his mother. For one, she never talked to him in such a kind voice. For another, his name sounded strange, which meant whoever was speaking, had some kind of accent. “Who are you?” he asked, turning his head towards the voice. Sitting in the corner of his room was a woman with long, red hair pulled back into a braid. She wore a black blouse and blue jeans. ‘She looks nice’ he thought as she stood and began moving towards his bed._

_“My name is_ _Brianna_ _Dunn_ _. I’m your grandmother.” The boy’s eyes opened wide in shock at that statement._

_“I—I—I don’t have any grandparents,” he stuttered nervously._

_“Yes darlin, you do. I’m your mother’s mother. We’ve never met. I live in_ _Ireland_ _.”_

_“But mom said—”_

_“Whatever she told you is a lie. I disowned her. Do you know what that means?” Brian didn’t speak, he just nodded his head yes. “When she was fourteen,”_ _Brianna_ _continued, “My husband became very ill. I sent_ _Joan_ _to_ _America_ _to live with her sister_ _Mary_ _, who was in college at the time. About a year went by before my husband passed. The girls came home for a while, but_ _Mary_ _had to go back to finish school._ _Joan_ _asked to go back with her. She said she liked it in the States. So I agreed. A few years later,_ _Joan_ _told me she met someone—_ _Jack_ _Kinney_ _. She was only seventeen at the time. I met him when I went over for_ _Mary_ _’s graduation. I knew immediately he was a bad egg. He was rude and had no respect for anyone. He also seemed to always have a bottle of some kind of liquor in his hands. I told my daughter I wanted her to break up with him. I told her she’d only wind up hurt in the end. Then she told me they were getting married. I warned her that if she did, she wouldn’t receive one dime from me. I’d cut her off completely and she’d never be welcome in my family again. Well, I’m sure you can guess which path she chose. I’m so sorry_ _Brian_ _.”_

_“For what?”_

_“For never checking to see if you or your sister were alright. I’m sorry I let this happen to you.”_

_“You didn’t know. It’s not your fault,” the boy said, seeming more tired and wise than his should have allowed._

_“Still…I feel responsible.”_

_“Is that why you’re here now?”_

_“I’m here because child services tracked me down. You’re being removed from your home. The injuries you suffered…the doctor didn’t believe whatever story your mother told her. She knew the signs. Child services investigated and found that he’s been hurting you for a long time. Your sister seemed to be fine though.”_

_“_ _Claire_ _’s his princess. He loves her. It’s me he hates. He never wanted me…says I’m worthless…unlovable.”_

_Brianna_ _gasped in shock then let out a string of curses that would make even a sailor blush. All her words directed at the one and only_ _Jack_ _Kinney_ _. When she was done, she gently took hold of her grandson’s hand. “_ _Brian_ _, I want you to listen to me very carefully. You are not worthless and you are certainly not unlovable. Those are traits your father possesses, not you. You are smart and strong and I love you very much child. There is nothing you could ever do to change that. You will always be my grandson and I will always love you.”_

_Brian_ _stared dumbfounded at his grandmother. He had no idea what to make of the sweet woman saying the words he’d always longed to hear._

“Hey,” Justin said quietly, breaking the older man from his thoughts.

“I missed you,” Brian whispered. He honestly didn’t even realize he’d said it out loud until Justin raised his head, his brows knitted together. “How could you miss me? I’ve been with you for months,” the blond said, confusion coloring his tone.

“Not really. You’ve been there physically, but you haven’t been _with_ me in a long time. I can’t remember the last time you just lied in bed like this, your head on my chest, your fingers drawing random patterns, waiting for me to wake up. Ever since—for the past few months, you’re either up and gone by the time I wake up or you’re sleeping on the other side of the bed. I know I haven’t been the best…”

“Lover, partner, boyfriend,” the blond supplied.

“Partner. I haven’t been the best partner lately. I’ve been trying to push you away and hold onto you at the same time. Ever since that night, I’ve been afraid to let you in again. Not that I let you in the first time, but you found your own way back then. I’ve just wanted—I—”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Justin said, giving Brian an out, since he was having such a hard time trying to find the right words. “We don’t have to talk about this right now. Let’s just shower, get dressed, and get some breakfast.”

“Alright,” the older man acquiesced. “I do want you to know though—I promise to do better. I promise to stop listening to everyone else who thinks they know what’s best for us. No one knows what’s best for us except us. And probably Mámó,” he said with a smile. Justin just laughed and nodded, promising the same thing. The two kissed to seal their promise and got out of bed, ready to face the first day of the rest of their lives. It was time to stop living in the past, living in fear, and greet whatever the future held in store for them. As long as they had each other, the lovers knew they could survive anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the two showered, doing nothing more than actual showering and some kissing, they headed down to the kitchen for breakfast. Brianna was sitting at the round, dark wooden table reading a book and looked up when her guests entered. “Good morning boys. You both look to be in good spirits. I trust you slept well.”

“Better than I have in months,” Brian said as he gave his grandmother a kiss. “Where’s Tommy?”

“He left early to meet Bethany before work. She had some new ideas for the wedding she wanted to discuss with him.”

“But that’s not for another six months yet.”

“I know you don’t like to discuss it dear, but lots of women plan for their wedding all their lives. Bethany is a smart young woman and she knows your cousin’s tastes. I’m sure whatever she decides on will be lovely. Now, how bout I fix you boys some breakfast?”

“We don’t want to be any trouble,” Justin said politely. Brianna scoffed and waived her hand. “Your family. Of course it’s not any trouble. Would you like the usual Mickey?”

“The usual would be lovely,” he replied with a smile. “I have a phone call to make though so excuse me. Mámó, be nice.”

“My dear, I have no idea what you mean,” she said, the trademark Brian Kinney smirk on her face. _So that’s where he got it from_ Justin thought to himself as he watched his lover leave the room.

“So how are you doing this morning Justin?” Brianna asked as she began gathering the eggs and flour and milk she would need to cook.

“I’m alright. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. I never thought I’d see Brian so at peace, but being here is good for him. I can see how much you love each other. I’m glad he has you.”

“And I’m glad he has you so I guess that makes us even,” she replied, smirking once again. “Mickey has always found solace here. I’m sure without the distractions of the people in Pittsburgh you’ll be able to find your way back to each other. And I will do everything I can to help. My Mickey loves you very much Justin.”

“I used to believe that. I remember he was driving me to school one day and we were talking about my SAT scores. I named some schools I was going to apply to that were all out of state and he was worried that I was going to go away. I teased him about being in love with me. And the way Daphne explained what happened at the prom…I know he loves me. I know that in my head, but in my heart I’ve just been so insecure and I have lost my ability to read him. I think that’s the main cause of our problems. So sometimes I just find it really hard to believe that he cares, especially when he never says it.”

“Mickey has always had a hard time talking, but he shows you in his actions. He holds you when you’re scared, he massages your hand when it cramps, he bought you that design computer to help you produce art easier so your hand doesn’t have to take so much stress…he took revenge on that horrible man who gave you that bruise and _shit_. You weren’t supposed to know that.”

“Took revenge? What do you mean? What did he do?”

“Maybe it would be better if you asked him yourself.”

“Please, you know he’ll never tell me. What did he do?”

“Oh alright. He and his secretary Cynthia dug into the boy’s past and found a few things. The first is that his real name is Ethan Goldstein. His parents are very wealthy socialites in Chicago. The second thing is that he was rejected by PIFA. Mickey talked to the man who changed the application from a rejected to accepted and discovered that the only reason his status was changed was because Ethan slept with the man. Now we both know how my Mickey can be and he forced the man into confessing that not only did Ethan force his way into the school, but he was registered illegally under a falsified name. So naturally Ethan was kicked out of school. Then an email was sent to Jacob Goldstein saying that his son, his heir, has been living in a despicable apartment, getting his furniture by taking it from the garbage, as well as playing on street corners for money. There was a video attached of his son doing just that and looking rather unclean. Well, you can imagine the man’s anger. Last I heard he banished Ethan to his estate in Spain.”

“Holy shit,” Justin whispered. “Brian did all that?”

“He hurt you. He deserved to be punished. At least that’s the way Mickey felt.”

Justin sat there for a few minutes staring blankly at the table while trying to absorb everything he was just told. He couldn’t believe that Brian had done all that, just for him. _I’d hate to ever be his enemy_ the blond thought to himself. 

“Justin?” Brianna called, breaking into his thoughts. “Breakfast is almost ready. Why don’t you see if you can drag Mickey away from the phone?”

“Sure,” he replied as he stood. When he got to the doorway, he turned back. “Hey, why do you call Brian Mickey?”

A giant smile lit up Brianna’s face. “It stands for mo mhic, mo ghrá, mo chroí: my son, my love, my heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Pronunciations: mhic=mick, ghrá=grah, and chroí=cree


	7. Chapter 7

“So how is your cousin?” Brianna asked as her grandson walked back into the kitchen.

“How do you know I was talking to Tommy?”

“I’ve known you both for most of your lives. You boys can’t go more than a few hours without talking to each other.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but he’s fine,” Brian said quickly with a smile that lit up his face. Justin had never seen the man smile so brightly. He didn’t think Brian knew how. _He’s so beautiful when he does that_ the blond thought. _I’m glad I came._

“So what are my boys cooking up?”

“Why Mámó, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Brian replied, the smile replaced by the smirk.

“It better not be anything bad young man,” she demanded as she placed a stack of banana pancakes with a side of bacon down in front of him.

“We wouldn’t do anything bad. And thank you Mámó.” He smiled again and his grandmother’s heart melted.

“You’re very welcome my Mickey.” She tenderly smoothed back his hair and kissed his cheek before sitting down across from him.

The rest of the morning, what little there was left of it, the three made small talk as the men ate. Shortly after they finished, Brianna asked, “Justin, do you mind if I borrow Mickey for a few minutes?”

“Of course not. I should call my mother and let her know we got here okay. Thank you again for breakfast. It was delicious.” The blond beat a hasty retreat from the kitchen, not wanting to intrude or overhear whatever conversation was about to take place.

“Come take a walk with me Mickey,” Brianna requested as she stood. They moved to the kitchen door where they donned their coats and Brianna took her grandson’s proffered arm. There was no snow on the ground but there was a gentle, crisp wind making the temperature just a few degrees colder. But that didn’t deter the pair from walking the grounds. “So how are you a muirnin? You look better today.”

“I am better today Mámó. Justin and I had a talk this morning. It wasn’t a big one or anything, but I opened up a little. Being here helps me do that.”

“I’m glad he came with you. He truly seems to want to work things out. I know how happy he makes you, even if you can’t admit it. Now, tell me about it.”

“Tell you about what?” Brian asked his expression innocent.

“Don’t be coy. You know what. Now tell me.”

“It was all my fault,” he said softly. “This never would have happened if it wasn’t for me.”

“Start from the beginning love,” She gently instructed.

“My friends decided it would be fun to throw me a death day party for my birthday, complete with black balloons, coffins, and a cake in the shape of a headstone. That was a blast. I know I’m a bit vain, but I’m not so shallow to think that my life will be over at thirty. They just all assumed that and I guess I just played into it. It’s not like I would have been able to change their opinion of me anyway.

“So after that disaster, Justin asked me to go to prom with him. I said no, of course. The next day I went shopping and Lindsay tagged along. She was getting on my case about not going with him. I tuned her out though, after she quoted an anti-aging cream ad to me, which _I_ wrote by the way. That’s when I found the white silk scarf. It was perfect. Later that night I had a little to drink and decided to try scarfing.”

“Mickey, you didn’t!” Brianna exclaimed, her face pale with worry.

“You know what that is?” Brian asked his brows knitted together in confusion.

“Not all old people are sheltered. And I happened to see it in Life as a House with Kevin Kline. You know how much I enjoy his movies. His son was doing that in the beginning but the beam fell.”

“Well he wasn’t using the steel beams in my loft. And anyway Mikey let himself and found me. He knocked me to the ground and immediately started yelling at me about it. I tuned him out pretty fast and then Justin’s face suddenly popped into my head and I thought of a better use for the scarf. So I went to his prom with it draped around my neck. We danced—Mámó, it was like something out of an old movie. We were the only ones on the floor, waltzing around to the original Save the Last Dance for Me. It was so amazing and we were both just glowing and when the song ended and we kissed—he knew in that moment, without a doubt, that I loved him. But he doesn’t remember that now.”

“I know this is hard a muirnin,” Brianna said softly, having watched all the emotions play across the man’s face. “Can you tell me what happened next?”

“We were just goofing around—singing and dancing and kissing. I wanted to just toss him in the jeep and whisk him away to the loft, but he went with his friend Daphne and had to take her home. He said he’d be over as soon as he could. So we kissed goodbye and I got in the jeep as he walked away with my scarf around his neck. I watched him in the side mirror. He was grinning like a fool and he was so achingly beautiful. Then I saw the bat. I got out of the car and started running, but I couldn’t make it. I shouted his name and he turned, still smiling, and then there was just the sound of the bat hitting him. I chased after the bastard who did it and got the bat away from him. I hit him—broke his knee. I ran back to Justin and there was just so much blood—on him, the scarf, the ground…

“The paramedics came—I told them I was Justin’s boyfriend and they let me go with him. I held onto his hand and the scarf. When we got to the hospital they rushed him away and I called Michael. When Justin stabilized three days later and was downgraded from critical condition to serious, I called Tommy. You pretty much know the rest.”

“What happened the first time you saw Justin once he was out of the hospital.”

“I was at Woody’s with Michael. I was by the pool table and he was going to get more drinks when there was a commotion by the door. He was closer and saw who it was right away. When I saw him…Justin was freaking out then I was freaking out…I brought him to the loft. We talked a about what happened. He said it wasn’t my fault and he hugged me. I resisted at first, but then I realized how long it had been since I held him; how much I missed him; how close I was to losing him. It was all my fault.”

They stopped walking as the got to the gazebo and Brian sat down heavily on the bench inside it. Brianna sat sideways, facing the distraught man and took both his hands in hers. “I want you to listen to me very carefully Brian Aidan Kinney. What happened was not your fault.”

“But if I—”

“No! You did nothing wrong.”

“The judge said we were flaunting ourselves.”

“You were not. Not anymore than any other couple there. I did some research. Care to know what I found out?” When Brian didn’t respond, Brianna continued. “I found out that the boy who hurt Justin was a football player. He never once in his life played baseball.”

“But he had a bat,” Brian said quietly as he raised his head to look at his grandmother. His face was so hurt and innocent it reminded her of when they first met. “I know he did Mickey,” she said tenderly. “He went out and bought a bat, which he brought with him to the prom. He was going to hurt Justin that night whether you were there or not. But you _were_ there. You got Justin to turn. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t be here right now. But he is. You did that Mickey. You saved him.

“When he couldn’t draw and everything was falling apart around him, you gave him his art back. You massage his hand every morning and night, pushing him with his physical therapy so that one day he can sketch for more than ten minutes without getting a spasm. Brian, you saved his life and every day you improve it by helping him. You did nothing wrong. Do you hear me? You did _nothing_ wrong. It wasn’t your fault.” Brianna pulled him to her and for the first time since that horrible night, Brian Kinney cried, wrapped safely in the arms of his grandmother.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The colors mentioned can all be found at behr.com. The names below are the actual names of the paints, just minus the word blue.

 

Brianna found Justin reading in a corner of the library. He was so engrossed in the book he didn’t hear her enter. “Justin?” she called quietly. The boy let out a gasp as he jumped about three feet off his seat and began to hyperventilate. She quickly rushed to his side and began speaking in a soothing voice. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just Brianna. I wanted to talk to you. It’s alright darling. You’re safe. Nothing’s going to happen to you here. It’s alright. Just take a few deep breaths. Try to relax. You’re alright.”

The longer she talked, the more she could see Justin calm down until finally, his breathing evened out and his body stopped shaking. “Are you with me now?”

The blond looked up sheepishly. “I’m sorry Brianna.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. It was my fault. I didn’t realize you hadn’t heard me come in. what are you reading that sucked you in so thoroughly?”

“Confessions of a Pagan Nun. It was loose on one of the shelves. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. Only the books in the glass cases upstairs are valuable. And Confessions happens to be one of my most favorite. It’s really a fluke I even discovered it. Every time I went to the book store, my eyes would always fall on that book, but I ignored it. One day, I got so fed up I bought the damn thing. Two days later I had finished it and was in love. What do you think of it so far?”

“I think it’s an excellently written story. It’s amazing the way the author transports you back to old Ireland.”

“It is at that. Now, would you like to read some more or can we talk?”

“We can talk now. Better to not put off the inevitable. Are you done talking to Brian?”

“Wise choice lad and yes. Mickey—I told him some truths that he was finally able to accept and make peace with. He’s upstairs resting.”

“I hope you were able to convince him that what happened wasn’t his fault. His guilt has been eating him alive and I’m afraid certain people have only been adding to it.”

“Like your mother you mean?” The blond said nothing, just simply nodded his head. “Your mother is the same as Debbie. Whenever something goes wrong in her son’s life, she blames my Mickey because it’s easier than facing the facts. All those months she spent angry at my boy she should have been angry at the one who attacked you. Her anger and resentment should have been focused on him. We both know he was planning to hurt you that night whether Mickey was there or not.”

“I wish we could convince everyone else of that.”

“Right now I’d settle for Mickey and your “family.” But enough about this. Let’s talk about you. Now, do you want to do this formally or informally?”

“Formally might be easier.”

“Very well. Why don’t we move into my office?” Brianna suggested as she took Justin’s hand and led him through a door on the other side of the library. His eyes were first drawn to the large bay window on his right covered by sheer white curtains. The wall surrounding it and the wall opposite it were both painted a Spring Rain blue. The other two walls were painted a Windwood Spring blue. The Sea Rover blue carpet pulled the three shades together, giving the room both a beautiful and a tranquil feel.

In front of the large window sat a beautiful, light cherry wood desk. There were five framed photographs spanning its length. In the center was a black and white wedding photo of Brianna and her husband. To the right of that was a photo of a young Brian and Tommy laughing as they played soccer. To the right of that was a recent picture of Brian standing behind Brianna with his arms around her, both wearing huge smiles. On the opposite side was a picture of two people Justin had never seen. He could only guess those were Tommy’s parents. To the left of that, the final photo was a recent picture of Tommy with his arms around a beautiful red headed woman Justin assumed was his fiancée Bethany.

On the other side of the desk were two large, plush white chairs. Behind those, against the far wall was a long, overstuffed white couch. The throw pillows on it were a combination of the colors on the floor and walls. The walls themselves were adorned with large framed, professional looking photos of the Irish countryside and shores, all in black in white. “This is beautiful,” Justin said the awe in his voice visible on his face.

“Thank you. I would have gone with green, but too much of that attracts the fairies and their mischievous little things. But enough about that. Have a seat and let’s get to work.”

Justin sat himself down on the couch and Brianna turned one of the chairs to face him. Almost immediately the blonde’s mouth opened and everything came pouring out. He voiced his frustration over his lost memories, his self-loathing, his doubt about not being good enough for Brian, what drove him to Ethan…he even told her about things that happened during his brief employment for Saperstein…things he had never told anyone else.

Two hours later Justin found himself exhausted and raw. He’d laid himself bare to this woman he barely knew in hopes of finding some wisdom and answers. And he found just that. Brianna explained things and showed him truths he never would have found on his own. By the time they were done, he was more at peace with himself and his relationship than he had ever been before.

Brianna suggested he rest and so the blond retreated to his room where he found his lover fast asleep. Too exhausted to undress, he simply kicked off his shoes and curled around Brian. Even in sleep, Brian felt Justin and wrapped his arms tight around his boy. For the first time in months, the two slept peacefully, free from guilt, from worry, and from nightmares.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter has anti-Lindsay, Michael and Debbie moments.  
> A/N 2: All the things mentioned with an * next to the name has a description and or picture at the bottom of the chapter.

It was Christmas Eve. One week had passed since Brian and Justin arrived in Ireland. Every day the two started their day by having a one hour session with Brianna. They were making huge strides in overcoming the Post Traumatic Stress they both suffered from due to the bashing. As their minds, and hearts, began to heal so did their relationship. Each day Justin found it getting easier and easier to read Brian and every day Brian tried to open himself up, little by little, to the persistent blond he couldn’t live without.

Brian Kinney was far from being “cured.” He knew it would take much longer than a week of therapy to heal and become the man he truly wanted to be—the man Justin deserved. Too much damage had been done over the years and not just by his parents. Brianna and Tommy had healed quite a bit of the trauma from his parents in the five years he lived with them and in the time since. But what made him into the “unfeeling asshole” everyone thinks he is was the damage inflicted by his so called “family.” Michael and Lindsay, his two best friends…yeah right. Neither one cares about the real Brian. They see only what they want to see. They both manipulate him for their own gains: Lindsay for a child to eternally link them (and his money) and Michael…well his goal is to keep Brian single and a slut forever so that he can parade his boyfriend and “perfect life” around saying he’s so much better than Brian because he’s in love and settled down. Bullshit. And Debbie? Brian owes and loves her quite a lot, but she’s always running him down or blaming him for something. But right now, he’s focused on the person he’s with, not all the overbearing, over-opinionated hypocrites in Pittsburgh.

After their first few sessions with Brianna, Brian and Justin started to head out and do the “touristy” thing. Brian took his partner to all his favorite places: The Poulnabrone Portal Tomb*, The Passage Tomb at Newgrange in County Meath*, the Tower of Kells*, Kildownet Castle*, and the city of Waterford, just to name a few. Today though, the two would be going to his most treasured place in the entire country. And the weather was perfect to boot. It was a cloudy, yet still bright, warm (around 50 degrees) day. Brian double checked he had the small black box in his pocket, along with a thick blanket in the car, before grabbing his partner and heading out to the Cliffs of Moher.* When they got there, fog rolled over the cliffs, giving them a stunning, ethereal glow. Brian spread the blanket out on the ground and pulled his blond down next to him.

“Justin, there are some things we need to talk about. I know that the way I’ve been acting here must be very confusing to you.”

“It’s not confusing at all. You’re just being yourself. I’ve seen glimpses of the real you back home, but it’s nice to see you so peaceful and relaxed all the time. I don’t have to worry about your walls here.”

“No, you don’t. But you know why I have them right? I’ve been hurt a lot in the past, by a lot of people—”

“You’re still being hurt now,” Justin whispered to himself but Brian heard.

“I guess that’s true. Just—my point is that I keep you away for a reason. You have so much power over me and you don’t even know it. When you got hurt…” Brian paused, looking away and rolling his lips into his mouth. “When you got hurt it felt like somebody ripped a hole in my chest where my heart was. For three days I sat in the hospital waiting room, not moving, not talking, not eating—just waiting to see if you would live. And when the doctors said you were stable, the hole started to close bit by bit. Seeing you every night helped too. But I was so scared to face you when you were awake. I was terrified you’d blame me like everyone else. They all treated me like I was worthless…a complete shit. If they didn’t blame me, they got on my case about drinking so much. They couldn’t look passed their own issues to see how much what happened was hurting _me_. I couldn’t—I couldn’t protect you from him. I couldn’t wake you from the coma. I couldn’t heal your wounds. Everyone thinks I’m a miracle worker but seeing you so broken, I was so helpless and it killed me. It still does.”

Justin took one of Brian’s hands and with his other he gently cupped his lover’s cheek, forcing the older man to look at him. “You are not worthless Brian. You are an amazing, caring man and you heal me every single day. Yes we’ve been having problems, but I don’t blame you. I know how deeply everyone’s hurt you and I know you don’t trust easily. Around prom, you were just starting to realize that you loved me as much as I love you, and when I got hurt you retreated into yourself because I had the power to break you. If I didn’t survive, you wouldn’t have either. And that just made you retreat from me further. If you pushed me away, if I wasn’t constantly there, you wouldn’t have to admit that you loved someone so much that losing them would kill you.”

“It would have,” Brian whispered. “I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you.”

“But you didn’t lose me. I fought to live and you fought for me, for us. I love you Brian Kinney. I love you whether you have your walls up so you can survive the damage inflicted by the ‘family’ in Pittsburgh, I love you with your walls down, I love the sweet little boy you seem to be around your grandmother…I love you Brian. All of you. You’ll never lose me. I promise.”

Brian looked down, tears stinging his eyes as his emotions overwhelmed him. He had no idea what he did to deserve someone as amazing as Justin, but he vowed, right then and there, that he would never again take the blond for granted. “I love you too ya know,” he said softly. The sun came out from behind the clouds, lighting up the couple as Justin’s “Sunshine” smile lit his face and the two shared a tender kiss. The older man sat back a bit, just enough that he could look into his lover’s eyes. “I have something for you,” he said as he reached his free hand into his coat pocket, pulling out the square black box. “I saw this the other day and thought of you.”

Justin slowly opened the box and found a sterling silver bangle resting inside.* It had the words Mo Anam Cara written on it and the word Anam was bordered by the claddagh symbols. Brian carefully picked up the bracelet and fit it onto Justin’s left wrist, making sure both the words and the hearts of the claddaghs faced the blond. “The words mean my soul mate. The direction of the claddaghs and the arm on which you wear it signifies marriage or engagement. I’m not sure that marriage is something I will ever want. But this bracelet signifies my monogamous commitment to you. I love you Justin and I want to be with you always. I don’t need a piece of paper or a ceremony to confirm that.”

Justin’s smile once again lit up the cliffs. “I have always wished to hear those words from you. I feel the same way. I love you so much Brian.”

“Merry Christmas Sunshine,” Brian whispered before he gently, sweetly, kissed his partner.

_TBC_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Locations mentioned (picture under description):
> 
> The Poulnabrone Portal Tomb literally means “The hole of the sorrows” and is one of the most famous Irish dolmens. The dolmen consists of a twelve foot, thin, slab-like, tabular capstone supported by two slender portal stones, which lift the capstone 6ft from the ground, creating a chamber in a 30ft low cairn. Between 16 and 22 adults and 6 children were buried under the monument. ****
> 
> The Passage Tomb at Newgrange in CountyMeath: The Megalithic Passage Tomb at Newgrange was built about 3200 BC. The kidney shaped mound covers an area of over one acre and is surrounded by 97 kerbstones, some of which are richly decorated with megalithic art. The 19 meter long inner passage leads to a cruciform chamber with a corbelled roof. It is estimated that the construction of the Passage Tomb at Newgrange would have taken a work force of 300 at least 20 years.  
>  {C}{C}
> 
> ####  Tower of Kells: Kells, a stunning round tower that was built for protection against the Vikings, still remains, as does part of the original monastery where the Book of Kells was created over a thousand years ago. The book is now housed in Trinity College Dublin.  {C}{C}
> 
> ####  KildownetCastle: This fortified tower house was built in the 1400's in the early 15th century and used by GraceO’Malley, the 'Pirate Queen' herself in the 16th century.
> 
> ****
> 
> The Cliffs of Moher: The Cliffs of Moher are one of Ireland's top Visitor attractions. The Cliffs are 214m high at the highest point and range for 8 kilometers over the Atlantic Ocean on the western seaboard of CountyClare. O'Brien's Tower stands proudly on a headland of the majestic Cliffs. From the Cliffs one can see the Aran Islands, GalwayBay, as well as The Twelve Pins, the MaumTurkMountains in Connemara and Loop Head to the South. The Cliffs of Moher take their name from a ruined promontory fort “Mothar” which was demolished during the Napoleonic wars to make room for a signal tower.  
>  {C}{C}
> 
> Justin’s bracelet: [bracelet found here](http://www.123celtic-irish-jewelry.com/detail.asp?Product_ID=BCT211)Significance of the Claddagh: The hands of the claddagh are shown holding the heart and the hands denote **friendship** and togetherness, the heart itself signifies **love** and the crown in the claddagh ring stands for **loyalty.** The significance of the direction: In case of a **married or engaged person** Claddagh rings are worn on the left hand with the point of the heart (or bottom) pointing towards the body of the person wearing it.  
> 


	10. Chapter 10

The next day: Christmas morning

Brian woke at five am, just as he had every Christmas morning since he first lived with Brianna. He never showed it in Pittsburgh, but he loved Christmas. Ever since his grandmother took him in, he learned to believe in the magic of the day. It was his favorite day of the year…although no one but his Mámó and his cousin knew that.

He gently got out of bed, careful not to wake Justin, before slipping on his red flannel pajama pants, dark green robe and heading downstairs. Tommy was already sitting on the couch in front of the tree, also in similar pajamas and a dark green robe. All the holiday lights were on while Brianna’s instrumental Celtic Christmas album played softly in the background. “Merry Christmas Brian Aidan,” Tommy said softly as he got up, hugging his cousin.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas my loves,” Brianna said as she walked in carrying a tray with three steaming mugs of hot chocolate, her green flannel pajama pants sticking out from under her red robe.

“Merry Christmas,” her grandsons replied at the same time, each taking a mug and giving her a hug. The three sat together on the couch, Brianna between her grandsons.

“I would just like to say how wonderful it is to have you boys here with me for Christmas. I’ve missed us all being together like this.”

“That’s an excellent segue into our gift for you Mámó,” Tommy smiled as he and his cousin placed their half empty mugs on the side tables before moving to sit on the coffee table in front of their grandmother. Brian pulled a rectangular, black velvet box out of his robe pocket.

“What did you boys do?” Brianna asked with a smile as she took the box. When she opened it, her smile morphed into a small frown, her brows knitting together in confusion. She picked up the item and held it up in front of her. “You’re giving me keys? What are they for?”

“Their for your new home,” Tommy said with a smirk.

“What new home? What’s going on here Thomas Charles O’Ryan Dunn?” She asked in her stern “mom” voice.

“Mámó,” Brian began. “We know that you’re planning to give this house to Tommy as a wedding gift in a few months. And while we all know that he would let you continue to live here, you wouldn’t feel right staying with newlyweds. So we’ve provided you with an alternative.”

“You didn’t have to do that. Where is this alternative located?”

“In the cold, windy city of Pittsburgh,” Brian smirked. Brianna’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head as her jaw fell open. She closed it several times in an attempt to form words, but none came out.

“Mámó,” Tommy said softly as he took her hand. “I’ve had you all to myself for twenty years now. Brian Aidan has also had you for twenty years, but with the exception of when he lived here, it’s only for a few months at a time. You’ve raised me to be a good man. You’ve taught me what I need to know to run the business by myself. I’ll be married soon and ready to start my own family. You’re my Mámó and I will always love you, but you don’t need to take care of me anymore. But you need Brian Aidan and he needs you. The two of you are kindred spirits. It’s time for you to move on. It’s time for you to take care of him now. I mean just look at how skinny he’s gotten without your cookin,” he said with a smile causing Brianna to laugh through the tears that had begun falling softly down her cheeks. “I own the building our boy here lives in and since the summer, we’ve been working on the renovations, the rest of which are being finished while he’s here. You’ll have an office space on the first floor, the second will be your home and there will be a staircase leading up to the third, which will remain Brian Aidan’s loft, just with some changes.”

“Mickey? Is this really what you want? Are you sure I won’t get in the way?”

“Mámó, you could never be in the way. I would love to have you live with me. I would be honored.”

“Oh my boys,” she exclaimed as she threw her arms around her grandsons. “I love you both more than anything in this world. I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that afternoon:

All the presents had been exchanged. Brianna was in the kitchen with Bethany cooking, Tommy, Bethany’s fiancée, was in the yard chopping wood for the fireplace, and Brian and Justin were in their room, sitting on the bed (fully clothed) facing each other. “Brian, I want to thank you for bringing me here,” Justin said. “Thank you for showing me who you really are. Thank you for letting me meet your family.”

“Thank you for staying with me,” Brian whispered back. “I know that I’m not the easiest person to live with. I know that I’m broken…that I have a lot of shit to deal with and get over before I can ever move on. And I want you to know that even if I can’t say it with words, that my actions will show you just how much I care for you and want you in my life. Which is why I have one last thing to give you.”

“Brian, no. This trip, the bracelet, your love…those are enough for me.”

“But Sunshine, if I don’t give you the keys, how will you ever get into our new home?” He asked with his infamous smirk.

“New home? What are you talking about?”

“There have been some changes in my building recently. Mámó’s going to be moving into the second floor. The loft has been slightly altered, and the fourth floor has been renovated.”

“Fourth floor? I thought there were only three floors.”

“Well the fourth has been in disrepair since Tommy bought the building, and we never really had a need to do anything with it until now,” he said as he pulled out the keys, attached to a golden sun key chain. There were four keys: two for the front two doors, one for the loft, and one that was painted yellow with blue stripes. “What’s this one for?” Justin asked, holding up the painted one.

“That’s a surprise. You’ll just have to wait till we get home to find out. So Sunshine, let me ask you this officially. Will you move in with me? Completely move in with me, not have shit at your mom’s and Debbie’s.”

“I would love to completely move in with you. Thank you Brian. This has been the best day ever. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas mo ghrá.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Don’t ask. You’ll know what I mean when you get there. Just…don’t ask. I have no idea where it came from. This is short and fillery. It’s their last night in Ireland. Wonder what they’re gonna do.

The rest of Christmas day passed by in a blur. Before they knew it, New Years had come and gone and the time to go home was approaching. Brian and Justin spent the days together, just being, learning how to read one another again. They also spent their days helping Brianna pack up and ship her belongings. Ted and Emmett were at the ready, arm with a key and pictures of Brianna’s house so they would know how to set everything up in her new home. They were also sworn to secrecy. Since Ted began to work for him, Brian had come to trust the man and knew the job would get done properly. He let Emmett help because he knew both Ted and Justin trusted the man and that Emmett would be respectful when setting things up.

Every night, a man came to the house and he and Brian would spend hours locked away in the south wing of the house. No one could hear what they were doing and no one knew either. Justin wasn’t jealous though. He trusted that nothing was going on. Little did he know that his partner was planning a surprise for everyone. See, there was something that not a lot of people knew about Brian Kinney. At the age of ten, he discovered the art of Irish dancing. Ever since, he has been an Irish dancer. All those times in college and after when he would disappear, claiming to be going to a club, he snuck off to perform under the alias Ryan Dunn. To date, he was known as the best Irish dancer in the world. He’s even starred in the traveling production of Riverdance several times. He also just happened to know that there was currently a production of the show going on in Dublin and the director, as well as the lead, happened to be friends of his. So the night before they were set to depart the country, Brian packed his Mámó, his partner, and his cousin in a car and drove them to the city. He said he was taking them to a show for their last hoorah together. Needless to say they were all very excited. Brian ushered them to their seats sixth row center and told them he had a surprise and he would see them soon. When the lights began to dim and he still wasn’t back, Justin started to get nervous. He didn’t know what his partner had planned, but he didn’t want Brian to miss the show. When a spotlight lit the person on stage and Justin listened to the words, he almost had a heart attack.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to this evening’s performance of Riverdance. We have a very special treat for you tonight. Several weeks ago we received a call and the offer was too much to pass up. It seems that a famous Irish dancer has been visiting and tomorrow he leaves the country. However, he graciously offered his services for tonight’s performance. So without further ado, I give you Riverdance: Staring Jean Butler and the world renowned Ryan Dunn!”

The crowd erupted into cheers and applause as Justin, Brianna and Tommy gasped. “It can’t be can it?” “He wouldn’t, would he?” “This is a joke, right?” They all asked at the same time. Sure enough, 5 minutes into the opening act, Brian Aidan Kinney came on stage dancing. Tommy’s face lit up in a huge smile, while Brianna had tears streaming down her smiling face and Justin was trying to stop the tears in his eyes from falling, his smile so bright it could have lit the stage.

Two and a half hours later, as the cast was taking its bows, the audience all rose from their seats, clapping and cheering so loud the floors shook. But no one was cheering louder than Brian’s family as he stood on stage, practically glowing with joy. It took them nearly half an hour to get to him though, what with everyone wanting autographs and pictures, which Brian was all too happy to give. He had, at last, revealed everything. Now there were truly no secrets in his life. Justin could honestly say he knew everything about the man.

“Mickey that was amazing,” Brianna said, wrapping her arms tight around her grandson when they finally got him alone.

“That was beautiful boyo. I especially loved the alias,” Tommy said with a smile, giving his cousin a bear hug the moment Mámó released him.

“What about you Sunshine? What did you think?” Brian asks, his face blank, but his eyes worried.

“I think that was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. I never knew you could do that. You were spectacular Brian,” the blond replies, hugging his partner for all he’s worth. “That was a wonderful surprise.”

“I wanted to do something special for you guys before we leave tomorrow and when I heard the show was here, I couldn’t resist.”

“So was that why there was a guy coming over every night?”

“That was Colin. He’s the lead. He came over to work with me on the newer moves and make sure I had them down. The show hasn’t really changed much since the last time I was in it a couple years ago.”

“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you’ve kept with it all these years. I can’t believe my little Mickey has grown into a world renowned dancer. I’m so proud of you mo ghrá,” Brianna said, the tears returning to her eyes. At that moment, Brian’s whole face lit up, his smile impossibly wide as he pulled his Mámó back into his arms. That was the first time he ever heard those words and he couldn’t have been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Like I said…don’t ask. And the seats weren’t front row because a teacher of mine went to see the show and sat front row and if you guys have ever seen Riverdance, there is a lot of bouncing around and my teacher said if you were in the front row you could totally see up the girl’s skirts when they danced. Hence them being 6th row not 1st.
> 
> Also, Jean Butler and Colin Dunne are real Irish dancers. Jean was the lead in Riverdance when it opened and she stayed with the show for a few years. Colin took over for Michael Flatley and was WAY better at it if you ask me. He left when Jean did, the two moved onto another show.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Here there be lots of swearing and Novotny/Peterson-Marcus bashing. Unbetaed so all mistakes are my own.

Justin looked out the window as the plane descended and sighed. He and Brian had made amazing progress while they were away. They were closer than they had been before and both had relearned how to read the other. Justin was happier than ever, but now they were back in the Pitts, he was afraid he was going to lose everything. Brian promised monogamy and in Ireland, sure he could believe that, but in Pittsburgh there are dozens upon dozens of guys wanting to hook up with Brian, plus his “friends” who push him into going to the clubs and hooking up all the time…The blond was just afraid that he would fall by the wayside again.

“Nothing’s going to change,” Brian whispered, taking his lover’s hand. “I know you’re worried, but I have never lied to you before. I’m not about to start now. We are in this together. No one else belongs in our relationship. And the only person aside from Mámó, Tommy, and us who will even have a key to the building is Ted. The locks have been changed. There is now a security system for the whole building. To even get passed the lobby door, you need to input the security code. I let everyone come between us before and I almost lost you. I’m not letting that happen again,” he vowed, staring into the blonde’s eyes. “And if I ever mess up, Mámó will be there to kick my ass and make me apologize,” he said with a smirk. Justin laughed at that and pecked him on the lips. “Let’s go home Sunshine.”

~~~~~~~~~~  
The boys made it back to the apartment within minutes of each other. Due to their insane amount of luggage, they had to take two cabs. Between them, they each had 3 suitcases; Brian’s filled mostly with clothes, while Justin had only one for clothes. The other two were dedicated to souvenirs, gifts, and drawings. He had done several paintings while at Brianna’s as well. One was a gift for Tommy and the other four had been shipped back and retrieved by Ted. On top of their own suitcases, the boys also had 4 belonging to Brianna. They held her most fragile and beloved things that she didn’t trust the shippers not to break. And seeing as how the boys had been loaned the Liberty Air jet on which to fly back, her belongings would be safe enough with them. She decided to take a later flight, claiming that she had a few friends yet to say goodbye to. Well, that’s what she told her grandson. In truth, Brianna had taken an earlier flight and was in Pittsburgh before the boys even arrived.

Brianna decided that before her Mickey returned home, she wanted to have a chat with some of his “friends.” She needed Justin for her plan and he agreed to help, although he was sad he would miss what sounded like an excellent showdown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mel heard knocking and answered the front door to find Michael and his mother standing there. “What are you doing here?” She asked, surprised.

“Justin called and said to come here—that it had something to do with Brian,” Deb replied.

“He said that he needed to talk to Lindsay and me about Brian, but he didn’t say you were coming. I wonder what’s going on. Well, come on in. I’m sure he’ll explain when he gets here.”

The two followed Mel into the house and explained their presence to Linds, who had been waiting in the kitchen. Between the four of them, they tried to figure out exactly what was going on, but nothing they came up with made sense. Finally after twenty minutes of waiting, the doorbell rang. The group all got up and rushed to the door. A woman was standing on the other side. She was about Justin’s height, her fading red hair, infused with streaks of gray, was in a thick braid that rested over her shoulder, extending almost to her hip. Her hazel eyes were dark with determination, her face expressionless. “Good, you’re all here,” she said, a thick brogue coloring her voice.

“Excuse me, but who are you?” Lindsay asked politely.

“I’m the one who called this meeting with the help of Justin. I’d like to talk to you all.”

No one said anything, but they did move aside so she could enter the house. Lindsay helped her remove her coat and hung it up, before motioning to the others to enter the living room. Mel, Lindsay, and Michael sat together on the couch, while Debbie sat in the chair next to it. The mystery woman remained standing, staring at the group. “What the hell is going on? Who the hell are you? And how do you know Justin?” Debbie demanded, unable to hold the questions in any longer.

“Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Brianna Katherine O’Malley Dunn.”

“Great,” Michael replied with a tight smile. “What the fuck does this have to do with Brian?”

“You must be Michael,” she replied with a humorless laugh. “My daughter is Joan Margaret Dunn, but you know her better as Joan Kinney.” 

There was a collective gasp as the four realized just what that meant. The three women were too stunned to speak, but Michael wasn’t. “No way. Brian would have told me if he had a grandmother. He’s my best friend. He tells me everything (Brianna scoffed at that) and he never told me about you.”

“Did you honestly expect him to? Does he tell you where he disappears to every summer? Does he talk to you about his relationship with Justin? Does he tell you how he feels? Of course not. And do you know why? Because you don’t ever listen to him. He tells you the truth when you need to hear it and you call him an asshole. As for relationships, you tell him to grow up but you continually try to drive him and Justin apart by saying he doesn’t do love or boyfriends. Besides, what would you know of those? You get yourself a boyfriend and then walk around like you’re better than everyone else because you’ve settled down and they haven’t. You’re no friend to him. And let’s be honest here. None of you have ever cared about what my Mi—uh Brian, has felt. You don’t think he knows how to feel.”

“Now wait just a goddamn minute,” Debbie said loudly as she stood, pointing her famous finger at Brianna. “First off, how dare you talk to my son like that!? And second, how can we worry about Mr. Insensitive’s feelings if he never shows any?”

“Don’t you dare insult my grandson you loudmouthed, overbearing fool! Your son deserves much worse than a tongue lashing if you ask me. For years he has treated my grandson like shit. He constantly belittles my boy when my boy is more mature than yours will ever be. And you are no better. How many times have you blamed my Brian for things your son has done wrong? Every single time your son does something idiotic, something that has nothing to do with my grandson, you are the first to jump down Brian’s throat blaming him. I’ve got news for you lassie. Look to your right. Your son is responsible for his own damn life. He’s a grown man and his mistakes are his mistakes! My Brian has never been at fault! Your pathetic, whiny little son is the one making all the mistakes! So you stop blaming my boy and treating him like shit! Brian is a good man, a kind man. He is the one you all turn to for help, yet no matter how much he helps, you treat him like shit. You call him an asshole. Do you honestly believe that doesn’t hurt him? To hear the woman he’s always considered a mother call him an asshole…he had a hard enough life living with Joan and her demon husband. He doesn’t need to be abused by you too!”

That shut Debbie up fast. She fell back onto the chair, looking like she’d just been slapped. In all the years she’s known Brian, she never once thought like that. Her mind began replaying time after time that Michael did something wrong and instead of blaming her own son and making him take responsibility for his actions, she blamed Brian. She was beginning to understand now just how much her actions affected him and she felt her heart break. She would need to talk to him soon and apologize.

When Brianna saw that Debbie had been sufficiently berated, she turned towards the group on the couch. She ignored Michael completely, knowing he wouldn’t retain anything she told him. He was a horrible excuse for a man and an even worse excuse for a friend. “As for you two,” she said, pointing at the girls, “You are the worst women I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I have quite a few things to say to you both. First off being that you should be counting your blessings instead of complaining constantly. My boy has done a great deal for you and he deserves your respect. He gave you a wedding. Without him, it never would have happened. He gave you a son, but that never should have happened. When the baby’s born, you let my boy interact with him, but he’s limited. Still, once you noticed Brian falling in love with his child, you force him to take out a million dollar life insurance policy. As if that wasn’t enough, you force him to give up his rights to his own child. And even after you put him through all that heartache, you still get money from him. Now, I understand that he wanted to help pay for things for his child, but you both have taken such advantage of his generosity it’s not even funny. I’ve raised four children and let me tell you, it does not cost thousands of dollars a month to take care of them. If you need a nanny, you should not be asking Brian for money to pay for one. Now let me tell you both something. My grandson is worth so much more than you even know, both as a person and in terms of money. But as of now, your gravy train stops. You are not going to get one more penny from my grandson. And if you think he’s going to object, guess again. You two decided to have a baby. You two decided to raise him. You two decided to take away my boy’s parental rights. When you did that, Brian was no longer obligated to pay anything. If you weren’t financially ready to have a child then you should have waited until you were able to take care of it yourselves. As you love to remind him, he was just the sperm donor. He has no reason to give you money any longer and he won’t. You gave him the one thing he never wanted and then you took that away from him. Far as I’m concerned you two can go rot.

“And don’t think I’m finished. That’s just my speech for you as a couple. I have a few things to say to you individually. I’ll start with you Melanie. I understand that you’re very stubborn and hard headed. You’ve had to work extremely hard not only as a woman, but also as a lesbian, to get ahead in your career. That being said...back the hell off my grandson. You think that he hasn’t worked just as hard as you? You think just because he has money now that he hasn’t worked extremely hard to earn it? Brian’s home was about as broken as one can be. God forgive me for saying this, but his mother is an uncaring drunk and his father was just as bad. He barely survived that household. Do you know how we met? I was contacted by child services because his father beat him so bad one night he almost died. He was in a coma for a week. Do you know how old he was? Nine. He was just a little boy being beaten because his father was an angry drunk. However that never stopped Jack from going to him for money later on.

“Brian barely made it out of that house alive. He worked his tail off in school, getting straight A’s all through high school while working two jobs and playing soccer. He got a full scholarship to Penn State not only for soccer, but for academics as well. In college he worked just as hard as high school, accepting no help from anyone, not even me. He put himself through graduate school as well. When he got the job at Ryder, he was so low on the rankings he was equivalent to a mail boy, but he worked his way up the ladder. He is brilliant at what he does, that’s why he makes so much money, not because he had it handed to him. Brian has worked hard for everything he’s done. Even when he opened his own company, I had to force him to accept a loan from me to help finance it. Brian has worked hard for every single thing he has and he is successful because he is very good at his job. Don’t you go insulting him because you’re angry he makes more money than you. He clearly respects you.”

“Oh please. He insults me every chance he gets,” Mel interrupted.

“And you insult him every chance you get. Do you know how I know he respects you?”

“Enlighten me,” Mel said sarcastically.

“When he was having legal trouble with that sexual harassment case, whom did he come to for help? He had the money he could have hired anyone. He could have used one of my lawyers. Instead he came to you, because he knew he could trust you to help him. He knew you would do everything you could, not just take his money and slack off. He knew you’d help because he knows how hard you work to do everything possible for your clients. You’re a good lawyer and he respects you for it. So yes, he may insult you. He may not like you, but he does respect you. And he should get some in return.”

Melanie sat there, a dazed look on her face. Brianna was right. Brian did come to her for that case when he could have gone to any lawyer in the city. As Melanie began to have an epiphany, the angry Irishwoman moved on to the last of the group. “Lindsay Peterson…I have been saving you for last. Although from my earlier speech, you know just how angry I am at you. There are only two people I can say that I truly hate. The first was Jack Kinney, may he burn in hell. The second is you. Brian has his own very good, very understandable reasons for not wanting children. And instead of respecting his decision, what do you do? You get him so drunk and high that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and force him to say yes to donating his sperm so you can have his child. Why? It’s not because of his good genes. It was for two reasons. The first is so you can get your grubby hands on his money. You grew up with money. You’re accustomed to it, but you don’t have it now so you’re using my boy for it. And the second is because you wanted to claim him. Brian’s always been gay, but you fell in love with him anyway. I understand. He’s very attractive. He’s kind and funny and just plain amazing. But you couldn’t have him because you’re the wrong gender. So instead you find yourself a way to tie him to you for the rest of your lives. You took what was never yours to begin with. My Brian may love you, but it does not go beyond friendship. You claim to be gay yourself. You have a wife, yet you still worm your way into my grandson’s life. You are no better than Michael there. You tried to split him and Justin up as well. Sure, on occasion, you’ve given him advice to help, but you really just want Justin gone because you’re jealous of him. He’s the one in Brian’s bed every night. He’s the one who holds Brian’s heart, not you. You don’t deserve to be Brian’s friend and you sure aren’t the woman I want raising his child. You need to pull your head out of your ass girl. Life isn’t a fairytale. Brian Kinney is not your Prince Charming. He never was and he never will be. Focus your obsession with him on your wife. Maybe then she wouldn’t need to turn to other women for affection. You are a truly despicable person and like I said earlier, you won’t be receiving another penny from my grandson. I don’t care how you twist your words to make it seem like it’s for the baby or anything else you can think of to guilt trip him. Leave my grandson alone. All of you.”

With that, Brianna grabbed her coat and stormed out of the house. The further away she got, the more she was able to calm down. She had been holding all that in for so long that with it all gone, a huge weight had been lifted off her. Now there was only one more person for her to talk to before she could move on with her life and begin anew in this new place with her grandson. One person she hadn’t spoken to in twenty years…her daughter.


	13. Chapter 13

Brianna stood at the bottom of the driveway, unsure of how she should approach the house before her. She had pictured it in her head many times, but in her mind it was always much more sinister. She pictured it to be more evil, as if just by looking at it you could tell it was not a place to ever enter. In reality, none of that was true. The house was just that…a house. The faded white paint of the two story home was chipping in places, the once bright colors of the shutters and door fading away, much like the house’s inhabitant. Now or never, she thought to herself before taking a deep breath and making the trek up to the front door. When she got to there, she took another deep breath and rang the bell. There was a bang, followed by a shuffling noise and a minute later the door opened. On one side there was Brianna, her hair still mostly red, although it was fading and did have some gray. She was dressed in a white cable-knit sweater and black slacks. Her black coat was open, but hung to her knees. She had some wrinkles, but all in all, she looked much younger than her seventy years. Standing opposite her on the other side of the door was a woman who was a few inches taller. Her face was marred with wrinkles and frown lines. She had bags under her wide, shocked, bloodshot eyes. Her grayish white hair was cut short. She was dressed in a blue sweater with a beige skirt that hung past her knees. All in all, she looked much older than her fifty years. “Mama?” She whispered.

“Hello Joan.”

“What—what are you doing here?”

“Do you mind if I come in? I don’t think you want to have this conversation on your porch.”

“Of course,” she replied, moving out of the way quickly. Brianna entered and was escorted to the parlor. She refused to call it a living room. It was evident that not much living was going on here. “Can I get you anything?” Joan asked as she sat down on the couch, her mother sitting in a chair across from her.

“No, thank you. I came to talk, not for tea.”

“Talk?” Joan scoffed. “You haven’t talked to me for over twenty years.”

“Twenty-one and a half to be exact.”

“Well, I’ve gotten along just fine without you and you’ve clearly got on without me. Why break the silence now?”

“I have had a good life, but it would have been better with you in it. Instead I lost both my daughters.”

“You were the one who disowned me!”

“Because you married that man! He was a rude, uncaring, drunk! I tried to warn you, but you didn’t want to listen to me. You chose him over your mother and look what it got you. You’re all alone here. You’ve turned into an alcoholic. Your own son hates you.”

“My son is evil and will burn in hell.”

Before either of them knew what happened, Joan was facing the other direction, her cheek burning and Brianna was standing over her with a stinging hand. “Don’t you ever say that about my grandson again you ungrateful horrible wretch! That boy has more good in him than you do. If anyone’s going to hell, it’s certainly not him!”

“He’s a sodomite,” Joan said sternly as she stared down her mother, a hand covering the cheek that had been slapped.

“So that automatically means he’s going to hell?”

“The Bible strictly forbids it.”

“The Bible also forbids eating shellfish. Does that mean you’re going to hell for eating a lobster? And since we’re talking about sins, breaking one of the commandments is a rather large sin. Pride and gluttony are rather large sins as well.”

“I’m not gluttonous and just which commandment have I broken?”

“Honor your mother and father. Does that ring a bell Joan Margaret? You certainly haven’t honored our wishes. Since you came to this country you’ve become selfish and bitter and being an alcoholic certainly counts as gluttony in my book.”

“You would drink too if you had the life I did.”

“And what stopped you from changing it? What stopped you from leaving your husband? You could have gone to your sister, God rest her soul. You could have come to me. What made you stay with that evil man who beat your son for no reason?”

“The church does not accept divorce.”

“The church didn’t accept divorce fifty years ago maybe, but there’s always annulment. Or you simply could have taken your children and left him. But no. You sit here acting all high and mighty and have the nerve to tell me that you chose religion over your own children? Did you ever even love them?”

“Of course I loved them! I still do. I pray for their souls every day.”

“What would you know of their souls? I can’t speak for your daughter, but Brian has the most beautiful soul. It’s amazing that he’s been able to keep it shining after all the years of abuse he suffered here. Did you ever try to protect him? Did you ever try to stop your husband from beating Brian to death? We both know there were several times he came close.”

“I took him to the hospital and I…”

“You what Joan Margaret? You prayed? Is that what you were going to say? I know I raised you in the church but I certainly never raised you to sit back and watch your son being beaten. If I had been in your shoes I would have fought. I would have tried to stop it. I would have taken the beating myself. I would never let Brian take it instead. He’s never deserved one ounce of pain inflicted on him by you and your husband.”

“I’ve never hurt him,” Joan protested.

“You’ve never hurt him physically, but we both know there are other types of abuse. Do you honestly believe that when you tell him he’s going to hell you don’t hurt him? Do you think that when you insult his partner you don’t hurt him? Brian has always been so sensitive you’d just never know it. He hides so deep behind his mask it takes years to learn how to see passed it. Every insult, every condemnation of yours goes straight to his heart and cuts away a piece of him. Every time he comes back from seeing you, I see the boy inside him begging to be loved. All he’s ever wanted is for his parents to love him…to be proud of him. He’s worked so hard his entire life to make something of himself. He’s an award winning advertiser and is the owner of an extremely successful advertising agency yet you have no kind words for him.

“You know, until we stopped speaking, I always made sure to tell you that I loved you. Whether you believe it or not, I still love you. Most would question why. Most would ask how I could love someone who has treated my grandson so horribly, but even though I cannot forgive you for what you’ve done to him, you’re still my daughter. That simply fact alone guarantees you my love. You spend so much time worrying about Brian’s immortal soul and what God will think that you don’t see who he is now. God is benevolent. He is responsible for all things on this earth. It is not a person’s choice to be gay. They are born that way, just as you were born heterosexual. If you truly believe that God creates us in his image…if you believe God doesn’t make mistakes…then maybe you should realize that God has nothing against homosexuals because he created them. If you’re lucky enough to find someone you love, it shouldn’t matter if they’re black or white, male or female. Love is a wonderful, beautiful thing. God would never discriminate against it. God would never want you to stop loving someone just because they’re gay.”

“But the Bible,” Joan whispered weakly.

“The Bible was written centuries ago by a bunch of repressed men. I guarantee anything that the one who wrote that homosexuality is a sin was in fact a homosexual and hated himself for it. If there was a book defining religion saying if you dress in black or eat potatoes or sleep more than eight hours a night that you will burn in hell would you believe it? Of course not. Why then are you putting so much stock in this book of yours? It was written when times were different by a bunch of men who told stories of hate and violence. If you want to be a devout Catholic, very well, but do not live your life according to the Bible. If you do, you will die bitter and alone. You have a family Joan and we will be here for you when you’re ready. Until then, you stay the hell away from my Brian. If he comes home with that sad look on his face after seeing you one more time I promise I will not be responsible for my actions.” With that, Brianna stood up and left the house, leaving her stunned daughter alone on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m not really religious so I hope I did well with that part. Leave me a review and let me know what you think.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Before you read this chapter: Like I said in the last one, I’m not really religious. I don’t mean to offend anyone with this chapter or with the previous one.

Joan walked up to the rectory and rang the doorbell. After a few moments, her priest answered the door. “Father Tom? May I speak with you please?”

Father Tom had always found it hard to deal with Joan Kinney due to her unwavering, and what he felt were wrong, beliefs. However, he could tell just by the look on her face that something was wrong. “Of course Joan. Please come in.”

“Father, do you think that something should be accepted, even if the Bible says it’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“My son—he’s—”

“Is Brian in trouble? Or did you want to talk about him being gay?”

“You knew that?”

“There are many in Pittsburgh who know that. And I do sometimes hear his name during confession.”

“Oh. Well…do you believe he’s going to hell?”

“Joan, I don’t know your son very well, but I do know him enough to know that he has a good heart. I believe that when we face our final judgment, it is our actions that determine where we spend the afterlife. Brian has done a lot of good for people, even if no one, including himself, acknowledges it. He is a good man. I don’t know if you know the story of what happened to his boyfriend Justin or not.” At her head shake, he explained. “Justin was at his prom. Brian came towards the end and the two of them danced. Afterward, Justin walked Brian to his car, but he was going to return to the dance to take his friend home. He was walking away and another student came up behind Justin with a bat and hit him in the head. Brian was too far away to stop it, but he called out to Justin, which made him turn his head. If he hadn’t turned, he would have been dead. The attacker started to run away, but Brian followed. He knocked him down, picked up the bat, and instead of beating the boy, instead of killing him, he merely hit him in the knee so he couldn’t escape before the cops came. Brian could have done anything to that boy. He could have beat him, he could have killed him, claiming it as self defense and being justified. But he didn’t. And when the verdict came back on the trial, giving this boy who nearly killed another just a slap on the wrist, Brian could have gone after him, but he didn’t. Instead he chose to take Justin in and help him recover. Even now he’s still recovering. They both are.”

“Both?” Joan asked, her voice timid, tears in her eyes.

“Justin is an artist. The attack damaged his motor control for his right hand. He can’t hold a pencil for long and if he tries, he gets terrible tremors and cramps. It makes him angry and he lashes out. Brian blames himself. He believes that if he never went to the prom, or if he forced Justin to get in the car with him, or if he was just a little bit faster, then none of this would have happened. He carries the weight of so much hurt that he uses drugs or alcohol or even sex just to try to escape from the pain for even a minute.”

“I’ve just added onto that hurt haven’t I? I never really tried to protect him from his father’s beatings. I didn’t know how to so I prayed. When he was taken away from us for five years as a boy, I believed it was God answering my prayers because that meant Jack couldn’t hurt him anymore. When he came back, the cycle just started all over again, only this time he tried to fight back himself and he stayed away from the house as much as possible. When he graduated high school, I barely ever saw him after that. He’s always blamed me for not loving him enough to help him. But I did love him. I love my son very much. I just didn’t know what to do. Much like when I found out he was—gay—I didn’t know how to accept it. I didn’t understand so I lashed out at him, quoting the Bible at him. Religion was the only solace I had. He obviously hated me. Was I wrong Father? From what you just said, it seems like Brian loves his—”

“Partner,” the preacher supplied.

“Partner, thank you. It seems like he loves his partner very much. Is the Bible wrong? Am I wrong? Is it really right for a man to love a man?”

“Joan, I don’t know if it can be called right, but I do know this. God is love. His son preached love. Whether it be familial love or the love you feel for a significant other, I don’t think God would punish us simply because of who we love. I believe God doesn’t make mistakes. I believe that who we are is determined before we’re even born, therefore we are who God wants us to be. Sexuality is not a choice. It is as encoded within us as our hair color or the shape of our eyes. Many have tried to fight or hide who they really are and they are miserable for it. If accepting your sexuality means loving a man or a woman, I believe it doesn’t matter as long as we’re happy. We have such a short time on this earth that I don’t think God would want us to spend it being miserable. I believe he wants us to be happy and if we’re lucky enough to find love, it shouldn’t matter if we’re gay or straight because love is love. It is a gift from God and therefore I don’t think he would punish us just because of who we love. Can I ask what brought about these questions?”

“My mother…we haven’t seen each other since the state sent Brian to live with her when he was a boy. She never wanted me to marry Jack. She said he was a bad man, but I didn’t listen. I saw her at my sister’s funeral, but we didn’t speak. We haven’t spoken in twenty years. She came to see me today. She said she was moving here to live with Brian. She told me…she told me a lot of things I needed to hear, like how much I was hurting my son. If anyone else said those things to me, I don’t think I would have listened.”

“There seems to be a specific way our mothers can get through to us, no matter how stubborn we’re being.”

“Yes and it seems no matter how old you are they can still make you feel like a chastised little girl,” she replied with a small smile. Father Tom took her hands in his and she raised her eyes to meet his.

“Joan, I know that whenever things in your life got hard, you turned to religion because you couldn’t deal with things. And I know you’ve been drinking a lot since your husband died. Now, I’m not here to judge you, but I will say this. Think hard about what your mother told you and about what we’ve just discussed. It may be hard to swallow your pride and admit that you were wrong, but I think you should try. Your husband did…in the end. You may not know this but after Jack told Brian he was dying, Brian told him he was gay. Jack reacted in anger and tried to hit him. A few days later though, he showed up at Brian’s apartment with a picture of the two of them from when Brian was born. Your grandson was there and Jack got to meet him. The Kinney men had a talk…short though it was, but it was enough for them to make peace with each other. It’s your turn now. Go to your mother and talk to her. Tell her you want to talk to Brian. She can help. You need to make peace with your family Joan. I don’t want to see you die unhappy and alone.”

The priest could see the tears swimming in the woman’s eyes. Tears she refused to shed in front of him. She gently pulled her hands from his and stood. “Thank you Father. You’ve given me quite a lot to think about.” With that Joan Kinney turned and left the priest sitting alone. He silently moved to his knees and sent up a prayer that Joan would do the right thing and that everything would work out for her.  



	15. Chapter 15

It had been four months since Brian, Justin, and Brianna moved into the renovated Tremont building. Each person was amazed at how well it all turned out, especially Justin. The floor above the loft had been turned into a studio. The back wall had floor to ceiling windows, the only space there wasn’t a window was where the back staircase leading to the inside of the loft was located. This wall also contained a small kitchenette. It had a long counter, very large sink where he could clean his supplies, a microwave, and a refrigerator. The wall across from that held a large desk, where his computer and printer were already set up. There were six easels, in different sizes, along that same wall, as well as a large closet for his art supplies. The wall next to that had built in, wall to wall drying racks. Across from that wall, under a large window, was a couch. It was magnificent and Justin couldn’t have loved it more if he designed it himself.

The loft itself didn’t boast many changes. The living room area was still the same, only now there was a door in the corner near the television. An internal staircase had been added that connected all four floors together so no one would have to go outside their front door to go up and down. And speaking of up and down, the stairs to the bed had been removed and the space was turned into a proper bedroom. It was also expanded to provide room for a walk-in closet, which could be accessed from both the bedroom and the renovated bathroom. Although, if you didn’t know what to look for, you wouldn’t notice anything had been changed. The bathroom still looked the same, except now it held dual sinks and a very large soaker tub with jets. Brian may have scoffed at the idea before, but he had to admit that his blond and a tub held endless possibilities. But that’s where the loft changes ended.

The second floor had been renovated and changed from two smaller apartments, into one large apartment. When you walked in the front door, to the right was the living room area. There was a large couch, two plush armchairs, and a coffee table, all angled towards the wall with the door, which contained a fireplace with a television above it. To the back right of that space was a half bath. If you went to the left when entering the apartment, you would find the kitchen, set up the same way as Brian’s. Although Brianna’s kitchen had a walk-in pantry next to the refrigerator. Her dining room table was in the same place as her grandson’s as well. In terms of sleeping quarters, Brianna had three guest bedrooms that shared a bathroom. She also had a spacious master suite with a large, ensuite 4-piece bathroom. She also had a rather large library, in which she was able to fit all the books she brought with her from home.

The first floor of the building was divided in fourths. One fourth contained a large dance studio, one fourth contained a home gym, and the third sectioned area contained Brianna’s psychology practice. She had a spacious waiting room and a large office, done up exactly as her office had been done at home, including the pictures, which Justin had previously discovered were taken by Brian, and the reason that fourth and smallest area of the ground floor had been made into a dark room.

All in all the new building suited the needs of everyone living there. Justin was able to create whenever he wanted, without having to worry about waking Brian if he woke in the night with an idea. Brian was able to continue his dance and photography hobbies without ever having to leave his home, and Brianna was able to start a new practice, where she began seeing patients just after two months. The only need the new building didn’t meet was curing “the gang” of their awkwardness. Since the return from Ireland, Brian had begun seeing his son more and more. He even kept him overnight a few times, utilizing two of his grandmother’s guest rooms so he would be close by if his son needed anything. But although he was seeing Gus quite a bit, he had yet to come into contact with Mel or Lindsay. They were using Dusty as a go-between. Whenever Brian wanted to see his boy, he would either pick him up from Dusty, or she would drop him off. He knew that his grandmother talked to Mel and Linds, as well as Michael and Debbie…he knew that what she told them was the truth and it needed to happen. Still it stung that in the four months he’d been back, neither of his “best friends” had spoken to him.

The only one of the group who actually contacted him was Debbie. About a week after they got back, Brian got a phone call from Vic asking him to come to the house. He had no idea what that was about, but he loved Vic and wasn’t about to say no to the man. When he got to the house he found him sitting in his favorite chair, Debbie nervously pacing the floor. “She didn’t think you’d come if she called,” the older man explained. Brian sat down on the couch and let the woman explain in her own time. She told him that she had never realized what she was doing, blaming him for every mistake her son made, and then looking to him to fix everything. She never realized that she was hurting him so badly. She admitted that until Brianna confronted her, she still saw him as that same, troubled kid who got her son into trouble. In her mind, she never let him grow up. She never saw just how good a man he turned into. She admitted that she was going to start seeing Brianna for therapy the next week. She didn’t want to admit it, but she needed the help to deal with her overbearing, blame everyone but the one at fault issues. “Please be patient with me sweetheart. I love you very much and I don’t want to lose you. I know I’ve treated you unfairly for a long time, but I promise I’m going to work at fixing that. You’re a good man Brian, and I’m going to do everything I can to fix my issues so I don’t hurt you ever again. I don’t want to be like Joan,” she said. Since then, she and Brian have had lunch, dinner, or breakfast, depending on her schedule at the diner, together twice a week just to talk about things. For the first time he felt like she was truly his mother and he wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world.

As for his real mother…well…Debbie wasn’t the only one in therapy. After her talk with Father Tom, Joan had found a therapist who specialized in dealing with devoted religious parents with a gay child. The therapist was truly insightful and was helping Joan to see all the mistakes she’d made not only with her son, but both her children. She blamed them for her lot in life, her suffering at the hands of Jack Kinney, the loss of her family, everything. Once she came to terms with the fact that her children were faultless and the blame truly lay with her dead husband, she was able to start healing and discuss her issues with having a gay child and believing in God. One thing the therapist said had always stuck in her mind. “You believe that Mary was impregnated with the touch of God and was a virgin when she gave birth. Well what about Danaë? Zeus impregnated her by way of golden rain. Why is that story less believable than the story of Mary? There is no proof that anything written in the Bible is true, just like there is no proof that Greek or Roman or Norse myths are real. The only reason, I believe, that the Bible hasn’t been classified yet as mythology is because it’s centuries more recent than the Greeks. You can believe what you want, but do not condemn your child based on what’s written in a book. If you believe that God creates man in His image and that God never makes mistakes, then by that logic, God has created gay people, just as he created the Chinese, African, and Southern Baptists.” Really, Joan couldn’t find fault with that. She still had her beliefs and she still attended church, but her absolute belief in everything written in the Bible was failing. It would take a few months, but eventually, she believed she’d have the courage to speak once again to both her mother and her son. If only to say “I’m sorry.”

Time marched on. Old wounds healed and love helped to form unbreakable bonds. Some may have been lost to the oceans of change, drifting from the lives of those they once called friends, while others tamed the seas and changed with the tides, learning how to fix what was once wrong and broken. Familiar faces faded to the background while older, forgotten faces came into the forefront. Life wasn’t always easy for the tight-knit family in the Tremont building, but they faced whatever challenges came their way together. For together, there was nothing they couldn’t handle.


End file.
